ORIGINAL 20 ways story
by ABC Cullen
Summary: Original 20 ways to make snape go crazy. It is currently being edited and posted as new story as changes dramatically from my younger years as a budding writer. Story about how Hermione is tricked into a prank war with Snape in her final year
1. Chapter 1

20 Ways To Make Snape Go Crazy

A/N: Dumbledore, Snape, Sirius and Remus are not dead in this fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

Chapter 1

It was the start of the gangs final year at Hogwarts. Having missed last year to kill off old Voldie, Ginny was in the same year as Harry, Ron, Draco and Hermione. Life in the wizarding world had settled down now that Voldie was gone. Hermione's life over the summer had been hell and now she just wanted to get back to Hogwarts so she wouldn't have to make all the decisions.

Hermione's POV:

Dad had been a nightmare over the summer, continually demanding that I don't go back and so on. I had to leave in the end and stayed in the Leaky Cauldron for the remainder of the summer. None of the gang knew, and I was determined it keep it that way.

The only person I ran into while I stayed there for the summer was Snape, but I span him a yarn about school supplies when asked where my parents where. In truth, I doubt he believed me. As for the rest of the week, I had a sneaky suspicion that he was following me. No one knew that my mother was murdered by Bellitrix while I was away hunting Horcruxes with Harry and Ron.

The train ride to Hogwarts was the same as ever. As was the sorting and feast, except for the eyes that where burning a hole in my back. And whoever it was, they were quick enough to look away before I caught them.

As Head Girl and Head Boy, Draco and I had new quarters. So we had to remain behind while everyone else went to bed. Professor McGonagall showed us to our rooms which where in the dungeons across the hall from Prof. Snape's private quarters.

It was early, so Draco and I decided to head to Gryffindor tower and chat with the boys and Ginny. Upon arriving, the boys jumped us and told us of their brilliant plan to get back and the teachers one last time. I told them they where crazy and that I would report them if they did.

"Don't be such a prude, Mione and have some fun for once," whined Ron. "Come on Mione it could be fun!" said Harry, backing Ron up as usual.

"I have a better idea," said Draco, "seeing as Hermione never gets in trouble and that all teachers would forgive her instantly, why don't you do Hermione? Or are you too scared to give up that perfect record of yours?"

It's my last year and I want to have fun and, oh what the hell….."Fine, I will. Hand the prank list over gentlemen and let me show you how the big people play." This of course made everyone in the room dissolve into laughter including myself.

This is going to be one fun filled year.

"Oh and by the way, I choose Snape to be my victim." and with that said left for bed.

I wonder how Snape will take this new me. Oh well, serves him right for being a bastard all these years and for following me around when I was at Diagon Alley.

Oh, God! I've just remembered Snape's are go to person for the Head Boy and Girl this year. I'm dead!

Please Review. xxx

A/N: Thank you for beta'n vswimming12. xxx


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: don't own it!

It was the first day of classes and Hermione was nervous. She had potions first thing.

"Well 'mione, you all set? What the first one ya doing?" inquired Ron around a mouthful of food.

"You'll just have to wait and see", I said as I hurried out of the great hall.

In truth I didn't know what I was going to do. So I stepped into an empty classroom and pulled out the list from last night. I looked through it and decided that I'd ease into it.

This one looked promising (Finish all your sentences with "in accordance to the prophecy") and so I put the sheet away and headed to potions. I was one of last in even though I left breakfast early.

"Silence!" said Snape, "today we will be brewing an infusion of cheering syrup. Can anyone tell me the use for this potion?"

I sat back and didn't bother to raise my hand seeing how he never calls on me…..everyone around me was staring and had there mouths open. It was so annoying. It's not like I've never, not answered a question before. "Mione, you…you….you don't know the answer?" asked Ron.

"Of course I do, in accordance with the prophecy", I hissed back. Now Snape was looking at me funny.

"Miss Granger, you don't know the answer?" Snape looked baffled.

"Well sir yes I do, in accordance with the prophecy", I said as I watch his mouth open and close a few times. He looked like a fish with his mouth like that.

"Then why did you not put your hand up?" he asked thoroughly confused now.

"Well sir I have given up trying as you normally you don't call on me, in accordance to the prophecy", I stated in a very matter of fact voice.

There was a stunned silence following this and a fair few people trying to cover the titters of laughter.

"Miss Granger, tell me the answer, NOW!" he yelled.

"Very well sir." I said. Let's take this up a notch. By now the boys and Ginny had caught on that I was doing one of the pranks.

"In accordance to the prophecy, it is a depression relief potion. It defeats or kills off depression, in accordance to the prophecy", I finished calmly.

"Miss Granger, although you are correct in the description. There is no prophecy that states this. You may begin and by the end of this class I want a bottled sample of your potion from each of you on my desk".

"In accordance with the prophecy", I muttered at the end of his speech. Just loud enough for the people around me to hear. They promptly fell around laughing causing Snape to swish and flick his cape.

"Stop it at once and get to work".

The time passed and with 5 minutes to go I got up and placed my sample of potion on Snape's desk and turned to go back to my desk when Snape said "Remain behind after class Miss Granger." I nodded and went to clean up my work station.

As the class filed out, the boys shot me sympathetic looks and closed the door behind them. I remained seated and waited until Snape was finished writing.

He laid his quill down, got up and came towards where I was seated. He pulled the chair from a near by desk out and sat down facing me.

"Hermione, what's going on? I know you lied to me in Diagon Alley. And now you're acting up in class? Please tell me what's this all about?" Snape said.

He looked sad and concerned. The guilt started to claw at my insides. Surely it wouldn't hurt if I told him what's going on. That it's just a bit of fun.

"Sir, I decided that because this is my final year that I was going to enjoy it. But then the boys decided it was time I lived a little and so dared me to complete a list of pranks" I looked at him and he smiled…SNAPE actually SMILED. OMG!

"And let me guess. I'm the main star in this performance?" he laughed.

"Erm….yes sir!" I said feeling even more guilt churn in my stomach.

"Ok, so is there any chance of you stopping? Or am I going to have to fight back?"

"Let the games being sir. At least I'll have an intelligent opponent."

"Alright, Hermione. But be warned I will fight back. And you still haven't told me why you lied to me. If you want to talk about I'm here. So any chance that you're going to warn me what the next prank is?"

"No.", I said as I stood up to leave, "and sir thanks for the offer but I'm not ready to talk"

"Ok. My door is always open." I was nearly at the door when Snape spoke again. "Oh and detention tonight at 7 for interrupting class" "See you later, sir" I said and left.

Not seeing the smile form on Snape's face. "See you soon, Hermione".


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: don't own anything.

It was Saturday and I decided that it was time for another prank. Detention on Thursday wasn't so bad. Snape had me brew some burn salve for the hospital wing, and seeing as how I haven't pranked in a day, hopefully I have lulled him into a false sense of security. Cue evil grin.

As I headed up to breakfast I decided that I'd really go to town. Up a head of me was Snape, so I whipped out my wand and silently casted a nonverbal week long hair dye spell just as he entered the great hall. 'puteulanus saeta inficio', I thought as I swished my wand in semi circle.

I hurried to my seat, by which time all eyes where on Snape new hairstyle. It was electric blue. Jitters turn into giggles, which turn into full belly aching laughter by the time Snape sat down at the head table.

He just glared and was totally oblivious until Minerva leaned over to tell him. By this time, most of us where rolling around on the floor laughing.

He whipped up a spoon and examined his new hair. He laid down his spoon and instead of storming off. He did something even more terrifying. He started to laugh.

Silence filled the hall except for Snape's laughter and the giggles from the rest of the staff. "What do you think, Black, Lupin? Do you think it suits me?" at this Sirius and Remus promptly fell out of their chairs.

"Well it's an improvement. I must say from your usual black." said Albus with a chuckle.

Snape just laughed and continued to eat. "Well that backfired." I said to Ginny.

"Are you mad? You didn't seriously dye his hair blue? How long does it last?" said Ginny in a rush.

"Pst Mione, Snape, Remus and Sirius are looking at you. I think Snape knows it's you and he's told the others. What are you going to do?", said Harry.

"Nothing, he has no proof. Besides he told me when I stayed back after class that he wouldn't take this lying down. So I'm assuming he's gonna retaliate. I told you I'm not afraid to have fun." I said while turning around to flash a flirty wink and kiss at Remus and Sirius who where still staring, causing them to fall off their chairs again, much to Severus' joy.

HANG ON….when the HELL did I start calling him that in my mind.

The boys told me I was mad. That I'd most likely end up dead. I wasn't paying attention to them as I was watching the head table. Remus and Sirius where watching me closely, while Snape just smirked at their scared looks that they kept shooting me.

Looks like I have fresh meat to prank and scar for life. Muhahahahahaa!

Oops. I think I said that out loud as everyone in the hall is looking at me. Time to go!

Review please! Xxx. A big thank you to my beta.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

A\N: Dream sequence in italics.

I was running late this morning because of that stupid dream. In truth, it was a memory. It was the same one I've been having all summer since leaving my dad's house.

Flashback

"I've told you, you're not going back. It's time you gave up these stupid notions of magic and lived in the real world. It will only get you killed like your mother." said dad. He had grown so cold and distant since mum died.

He blames me for it. He told me one night when he came home late smelling of whiskey what he really thinks of me and my kind. "Nutters and Looney bins. It's your fault my wife is dead. You're nothing but a coward and a waste of air. Get out of my sight you ungrateful child."

Of course next morning he came and apologized saying he was drunk and didn't mean it. But I knew the truth. I had since it at the start of summer, but to hear it from him was worse. To have him confirm my suspicions was breaking my heart.

"Dad, I'm going back. It's where I belong.", I tried to reason with him for what felt like the thousandth time.

"No you'll bloody well don't. You will do as you're told or so help me I'll smack you into next week." he yelled. I cowered against the wall. Never in all my life has my father ever threatened me. I was so scared.

That night I packed my things and left for the Leaky Cauldron.

End Flashback

I headed up to the great hall where I met up with the boys who where stuffing their faces, as usual.

"Mornin' Mione. How's the list coming along?" asked Ron around a mouth full of food.

"How many times have I told you not to speak with your mouth full? I have no desire to see you churn food like a cement mixer." I said. This caused Harry to laugh and Ginny and Ron to look confused.

"It's a muggle thing." explained Harry. As I helped myself to toast and coffee.

"Hermione, you know that people are still giving you strange looks right?" asked Ginny.

"No, but I'm leaving anyway." I said as I got up and headed out.

After leaving the great hall I decided that I'd head up early to DADA, seeing as how people where still staring at me funny since Saturdays bit of fun.

God, it's like they've never seen a person think out loud before. Speaking of which, I think it's time to play with my new toys. . . Erm I mean boys.

Oops, I keep doing that. I think I scared a first year. Oh no it's crying. Better go and hug it.

After about 10 minutes the boys caught up to me and together we waited for Professor Black to open the door.

It was another 10 minutes before he arrived by which time I had a dastardly plan to play with my new toys…I mean meat...I mean boy…or is that man.

Whatever! So the plan is as follows: (cue evil grin) gain eye contact, pop a button open, stop and leave alone for 10 minutes. Gain eye contact again wink and give a flirtations wave or kiss. Stop and leave prof. alone. Do nothing until end of class then when leaving gain eye contact and accidently on purpose drop something and bend over slowly to pick it up, giving prof. a good view. Cue prof. in distress.

Seeing as how Remus had us for Wednesday and Fridays classes for a double and Sirius had us for a double on Monday, I decided that I'd start of small and work my way to the big stuff with Remus, such as snog him then slap him.

As Sirius began to lecture on defensive shielding spells, I set about my first task. I caught his eye as he walked passed my table and slowly slide my hand up the front of my shirt and popped the first button open. He paused, eyes bulging. Then coughed to clear his throat and averted his eyes and tried to regain where he left off. I tired so hard not to laugh.

I gave him 20 minutes to recover from the shock and then regained eye contact. I gave him a cheeky smile and wink. Again with the eye bulge. So I decided to take it a step further, slowly, very slowly I traced my lips with the tip of my tongue.

Sirius stopped completely, shifted and drew his robes about him. I can assume that my job here is done.

"Class dismissed" he cried as he darted for his office door.

"What? But we still have an hour of lesson left." cried some Ravenclaw.

I snorted, gathered my things and left, quickly followed by the boys and Ginny. We headed to the library to wait for lunch.

As the lunch bell rang, I decided it was time to liven Snape's life up a bit more. I waited for the hall to fill and for people to start stuffing themselves.

A good 20 minutes into the meal, I got up and started to calmly walk up to the head table. Grin firmly in place, I walked to the end of the table and stopped in front of Snape.

I replaced my grin with a serious look and stated in a carrying voice, "Code 3 in the potions classroom, sir." Turned and was just about to walk away when Dumbledore asked, "A code 3 Miss Granger? That's terrible news. Thank you for informing us." all the while smiling amusedly at me. I could tell he was enjoying the baffled looks of his colleagues and the rage that was coming in waves off Snape.

If looks could kill, I'd be six feet under by now.

"Albus, what's a code 3?" inquired a bemused Minerva McGonagall.

"It's an alien probing." replied Snape who by this stage was shaking with suppressed anger.

"Miss Granger, my office NOW!" screamed McGonagall. She looked livid. Gulp! I thought it would be funny. I was sorely mistaken.

As I accompanied McGonagall out of the Great Hall, I noticed that the rest of the staff had succumbed to laughter. And a slamming of the staff door indicated the departure of the great bat, err…..I mean potions master.

Review please. Xxx

And thank you for all the comments so far. Thank you to Vswimming12 for being the greatest beta in the world.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: don't own it. And a big thank you to Vswimming12 for beta'n this.

Turns out McGonagall doesn't appreciate the fine art of alien probing that Snape does in his private time.

I have detention for a week with Snape, starting tonight at 7pm and it includes the weekends from 9am till 6pm. What joy! God don't ya just love Mondays? Hello, I think I have another dastardly deed and seeing as how I have detention for the week; it can be a week long task to drive Snape crazy.

"What you looking at?" I demanded of a 2nd year who was staring at me. "Never seen a person laugh before?"

Oh no I made it cry and guess who saw the whole thing…

Yep, you got it in one. Snape. "Why Miss Granger, I do believe that, that will be 15 points from Gryffindor!"

"What? That is like totally not fair. Like I really call that so uncool man! Like ya know, like!"

Snape's blank stare told me he didn't know so as quick as a flash before he could open his mouth to saying anything else, I pounced. I pressed a kiss to his cheek and ran. All the while trying to prevent the gales of laughter from erupting.

Little did I know that as I ran passed him, he whipped out his wand and had changed the back of my robes to read 'I think Sirius is hot but Remus is Hotter' followed by a picture of Remus pulling his shirt off and winking.

Because of this and my oh so good friends not telling me, I wore said robes to dinner. It was halfway through before Ginny told me what was so funny.

I whipped off my robes and examined it. I would not let him get away with this.

"Mione, I never knew you where sweet on Remus." said Ron between fits of laughter.

"Oh you know me Ron. Can't help loving those sexy beasts." which brought about more laughter, as luck would have it. Remus had been standing behind me for the whole conversation.

"Erm, Hermione, can I speak with you for a minute outside?" said a nervous looking Remus.

"Sure." as I got up to follow.

"Hermione, what's this all about?" he asked.

"Well sir, it wasn't me who did this, but I'm sure you can guess who did in retaliation for lunch time." I said. "Don't worry I'm not that childish!" and flashed him an evil grin.

He just shook his head. "Let me know if you need any help in pranking Severus, Sirius and I would be happy to help." "Will do. See you later Remus!" I replied as I skipped off to detention with Snape.

I arrived just in time. Snape was smiling at me. "Well Miss Granger, if I knew you liked Remus so much I would have signed over these detentions to him". I just smiled and said nothing. 'Don't worry Snape', I thought to myself, 'you'll get what's coming to ya'.

"Cauldrons are over there and ingredients are in the store room. I need you to brew me some pepper up potion for Poppy." he said and with that, he swished and billowed to his desk.

I got to work and started the next prank. I decided that we needed some music, so I began to sing softly,

"This is the song that never ends...it just goes on and on my friends...someone started singing it not knowing what it was...and they'll continue singing it forever just because...", I began to sing louder.

"This is the song that never ends...it just goes on and on my friends...someone started singing it not knowing what it was...and they'll continue singing it forever just because" and sing louder still.

"This is the song that never ends...it just goes on and on my friends...someone started singing it not knowing what it was...and they'll continue singing it forever just because...this is the song that never ends...it just goes on and on my " "GRANGER, Quit it now!" yelled Snape.

"Ok, sorry sir. I didn't realize I was doing it sir. I was just caught up with making this awesome potion." I said trying to hide my smile. God, he's so easy to annoy.

I let him be for a while, while I added my last ingredient and set the potion to simmer for the next 15 minutes. I went to clean my tools at the sink and proceeded to sing a merry little song that I thought Severus would appreciate.

"I know a song that gets on everyone's nerves...everyone's nerves, everyone's nerves...Oh I know a song that gets on everyone's nerves and this is how it goes: I know a song that get's on everyone's nerve's, everyone's nerves, everyone's nerves and this is "

I had barely gotten into it when Snape's hand clamped over my mouth. "Now listen to me, my dear. I would really appreciate it if you could remain silent for the next 20 minutes." he said as he pressed me into the sink. His lips brushed my ear as he spoke causing me to shiver. He slowly drew himself away and went back to his desk.

I decided that I wouldn't push my luck any further and proceeded to bottle up the potion and clean my work area. After completing this I sat down and waited for Snape to dismiss me.

Five minutes later I was on my way and in considerable need of a cold shower. How in the hell am I falling for the Greasy git of the dungeons?

I decided it was exhaustion doing it and proceeded to get ready for bed, never bothering to look in the mirror after my shower. If I had of, I would have noticed that the git had turned my eyebrows green and silver.

Please review .xxx


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

Having finally notice my eyebrows, I decided to leave them as they where and headed to breakfast. Draco thought it was brilliant and did the same with his. So the two of us arrive, grinning and wiggling are eyebrows at everyone.

The day passed quickly enough until lunch time. "Pst, Harry, I need you help." I whispered to Harry. "How can I help?" "I need a diversion!" I said "Next prank, you see."

"Okay, I'm on it!" and with that he promptly grabbed Pansy who was passing by and proceeded to snog the face off her, while pushing her onto the table.

With everyone distracted I muttered the charm 'robes ut fluorescent crocus serpent's a pink' which transfigured Snape's robes a nice fluorescent yellow with pink serpent's embroidered on it.

After Sirius had separated Harry and Pansy from their love tangled mess, calm was restored for all of 5 minutes as, as soon as Sirius saw Snape. He burst out laughing.

This in turn caused everyone to turn their stare to the front of the hall, on which they discovered Snape's new wardrobe.

Poor Remus, who had been sitting beside Snape, got the brunt of the anger, as Severus assumed it was him.

Remus couldn't deny it as he was to busy rolling around on the floor behind the staff table. Colin Creevey whipped out his camera and took a picture of the scene.

Unfortunately, it was at that precise moment that Snape turns his glare on me, thus catching Colin.

"Run. Run for your life!" I screamed at Colin, as an irate potion master stormed towards Gryffindor table.

Colin leapt up and ran. Judging by the look on Severus' face, if he caught Colin he'd be potions ingredients.

Review please. Xxx. Sorry this chapter is so short. I just got in from work. A big thank you to Vswimming12. The worlds greatest Beta.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

"Hermione, Mione wait up?" cried Ron.

"So help me god, if you call me that one more time, I'll hex you into next week!" I screamed.

They knew I hated that nickname. It sounds like hiney. Gurhh!

"What?" I spat.

"Did you do that to Snape?" asked Harry. We were standing in the entrance way to the Great Hall. This wasn't the place to have this discussion, so I grabbed them and led them to a nearby empty classroom.

After warding the door with an imperturbable charm, I turned to the boys.

"Look you three," I said "you where the very ones who said I needed to lighten up. To answer your question Harry, yes I did. But I swear if you ever start questioning me in public again, I'll kill you. I would like to see graduation but if Snape had of heard, I'd be dead." "Ok Hermione. We're sorry. We didn't think." said Draco.

"We better get going if we don't want to be late for class." I said, as I took down the wards that I had placed around the room.

The day passed slowly, but it passed none the less. By the time dinner rolled around, I was so tired. At lunch I had received a letter from father stating that I was to come for the Christmas holidays or he would come and get me himself. I was worried. I didn't want to have to face all the hostility if I went home.

I followed the boys into the Great Hall. From the moment I sat down I could fell someone's eyes on me. I looked around a few times but wasn't quick enough to catch whoever it was.

For most of the meal I pushed the food around my plate. I kept thinking about what Severus had said. Maybe I should talk to him tonight in detention. And then maybe not.

Colin had distributed the pictures of Snape in his pink and yellow robes. Apparently he had avoided capture by hiding in the Room of Requirement which had turned into a passage way to Gryffindor Tower.

I gave up on trying to eat and headed to my rooms to get changed. I had a quick shower and pulled out my favorite pair of black jeans that hugged my curves in all the right places and a white t shirt that had 'Between two evils, I always pick the one I've never tried' written on it in blood red.

That done I slipped on my trainers and headed to detention. I passed Draco on the way out. He had his head buried in the latest Playwitch magazine.

Boys!

I still hadn't decided if I was going to say anything to Severus yet. I really don't like people knowing what happened. I just don't want to see the pitying looks that people shoot at you when something like this happens.

I knocked and entered. Severus was standing at cauldron adding some lacewings, while stirring. "Hand me the chopped belladonna, Hermione." He said.

I did so. Four more stirs and the potion was finished. I helped him distribute the potion into vials and label them. I turn towards him, just realizing that he didn't have his robes or waistcoat on. His shirt sleeves where rolled up and his hair was tied back. From where I stood I could see the faint silver outline of the dark mark on his left forearm. My stomach was doing flips as I watched his toned body move around the room.

'Is it just me or is it hot in here', I thought to myself. "Well Hermione. Poppy needs some burn salve!" he said. I turned and began the potion.

Severus eyes where scorching my body. I looked up and watched as his eyes read the writing on my shirt. His gaze met mine and his lips twitched up into a half smile.

I nodded and turned my concentration back onto the potion I was supposed to be brewing. At a quarter to 9 I was finished. Severus helped me clear up.

The silence was unbearable, so I said the first thing that popped into my head. "Sir, why were you following me in diagon Alley?" The minute I said it I wished I could take it back.

His sharp gaze held me, as he walked forward. "Why did you lie to me?" he said. I gasped, turned and began heading for the door when a strong arm grabbed me from behind and held me in place.

"Let go of me." I cried. But he ignored me. His hands now on waist turned me forcefully towards him. "Look at me!" he said. I just struggled more. By now he had me pushed against the wall. He grasped my chin and tilted my head to meet his gaze.

"Legilimens" he whispered. The memories came flooding to the forefront of my mind before I could erect my shields.

It was so fast yet so clear. Dad saying I was useless. Dad hitting me. Mum lying dead in her coffin. Dad saying it was my fault. Him locking me in my room for a week with no food or water. Receiving Ron's letter by owl and dad going mental saying that I'm whoring around. Dad hitting me again. Cleaning mum's bloody and battered body. Me looking in the mirror holding a blade to my wrist...At this I wrenched him out of my mind and slammed up the mental walls.

He made to grab me, but I repelled him with wandless magic and ran for the door and all the way to my room.

I warded myself in and collapse on the bed sobbing. He'd opened the floodgates for all the painful memories. One after another they came. Causing my heart to be ripped and shredded into thousands of tiny pieces.

I could hear Snape and Draco trying to get in but it was no use. I lay there I wished for the darkness to engulf me and my sorrow.

I knew I shouldn't have let him get so close. It was a mistake. I'll get him back for this, if it's the last thing I do. As I slipped into an uneasy sleep, I didn't hear my wards fail and Snape enter my room. I was already dreaming of the painful nights of my mother's death and my father's betrayal.

I didn't feel his arms around me or the continued pleas to forgive him. I still didn't notice as he gathered me up and brought me to his chambers and held me all night. I was to far gone to hear his sorrow filled words and actions. All I knew was the blackness of sleep and the pain of remembering the past.

Please review. And thanks again to Vswimming 12. xxx


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

I awoke to the strange feeling of being embraced. As my eyes fluttered open I saw the reason for this. Snape had me in his arms and was fast asleep. I felt wetness on my cheeks and reached up to examine the cause. I was crying.

Then it all came back to me in jolt that knocked the breath from me.

I looked at the man that had hurt me. Why would he do it? I shut the tears off and wiped the evidence away. I was pissed. How dare he put his arms anywhere near me. I wanted to be left alone. I gathered my courage and pulled back my hand and let it fly.

SMACK!

"You bastard!" I screamed, "How dare you. Not only do you invade my mind without permission, but you break into my room and take me to god knows where."

At this stage Snape was on his arse on the floor. Having fallen out of bed after I smacked him.

"Why I ought to hex you into next week, you ignorant, self opinionated bastard" I screamed. My breathing was ragged and my chest hurt from all the screaming and crying.

Snape calmly got up off the floor and walked around the bed towards me. For a moment I thought he was going to hit me but he just sat down on the bed facing me. There was a foot of space between us. I stared at him, not knowing what to say or do anymore.

"I'm sorry!" he said, "I really am truly sorry." My body gave out on me and I slumped to the floor.

I didn't want to fight with him." I'm sorry for smacking you", I said in a quiet voice.

He just laughed and pulled me up of the ground and into his arms. "I deserved it.", he said. I laughed and squeezed him.

He hugged me back. "You do realize that there's going to be hell to pay for your little stunt." I mumbled into his chest.

"I know." he sighed. I laughed again. He released me and smiled sadly.

"See you in potions." I said as I made my way out of his chambers. I went to my rooms, got showered and changed and headed to the common room to wait for Draco before heading up to breakfast.

The boys and Ginny were already eating when I sat down.

"Mornin Mio...er...Hermione" said Ron.

"Good morning. Potions should be interesting today." I said with a grin.

"Why?" asked Harry.

"Just wait and see." as said as I grabbed some toast. Just as I had finished we got up and left for double potions.

"Silence!" roared Snape. "Today you will be attempting to brew the draught of living death. Begin." and with that he sat and scowled.

Half an hour had passed and still I had not acted. I could feel Snape's eyes on me. He couldn't settle. It was so funny to watch him sweat.

BANG! Neville's potion exploded. Snape was on him in a heart beat. His already frayed nerves now in tatters. Just as Snape started yelling, I jumped up onto the desk and started screaming.

Shocked into silence, Snape turned to me. He was about to open his mouth when I yelled, "WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE LEAVE ME ALONE?" After finished with my little speech, I jumped down and continued with my potion.

Ten minutes later everyone was still stunned. I swear you could hear a pin drop. So I decided to lighten the mood with a little music.

"Where is thumpkin? Where is thumpkin? Here I am. Here I am. How are you this morning? Very well; I thank you. Run away. Run away." I paused in my singing to add clover, and then continued.

I got halfway through the second rendition before Snape snapped. You could literarily hear the crack as he came back to himself.

"MISS GRANGER." yelled Snape.

"Yes sir?" I replied innocently.

"Kindly shut your mouth. Finish your potion and leave".

I did just that. But not before blowing him a goodbye kiss, which caused everyone to start giggling nervously.

Please review. Thank you Vswimming12 for beta'n.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own it. And thank you to my beta. You're the best. xxx

The day was nearing an end. It was lunch time and I had decided that I wouldn't do anything until Saturday. (It's Friday people, incase I've confused anybody.) I want to make Snape sweat, you see.

So instead of pranking Snape, I thought I'd have a little fun with Sirius and Remus. Little did I know, Snape had revenge planned with my supposedly best friend, Draco. Of course I never did take into account that Draco was Snape's godson. Or that Draco would ever dare to betray me.

As it happens, he did. Severus and Draco joined forces against little old me.

I mean, look at me. I'm hardly a threat to anyone. I'm tiny and couldn't hurt a fly.

So anyway, the evil duo, unbeknownst to me, had placed a charm on all my books and quills transfiguring them into smut novels and vibrators. So, I unwittingly took out said books and quills for Transfiguration with Professor McGonagall.

I was never more humiliated in all my life. Minerva is my favorite teacher and I respect her and admire her. For this to happen was the worst kind of deceit imaginable.

After telling me off, she never once called on me or acknowledged me. It was the worst punishment imaginable. I was ashamed and never wanted to show my face again.

I skipped dinner because of it. Draco found me in the library and apologized for his part in the plan. When I found out that it was partly his fault, I lost it.

I ran out of the library and headed straight to Remus' and Sirius' Quarters.

It was time to get in the help of the professionals.

X

"Right, so let me get this straight," said Sirius, "you want me and Remus to help you prank Snape?" "Yes." I said.

"By getting you 35 boxes of fruity flavored condoms?" finished Remus.

"Yes." I said again.

"Why? What are you going to do with 35 boxes of condoms?" asked Sirius.

"I'll tell you but you have to swear a wizard's oath to me that you will get them." I said, putting my serious face on.

Both wizards nodded, took the oath, and waited for an explanation.

"Here's the plan. During potions class I'm going to give two or three boxes out to two or three students. Knowing Snape he'll say something stupid like I hope you brought enough for everyone. When he does I'll of course say yes and proceed to give a box to everyone in the classroom, including him, saying I wouldn't want to make him feel left out. He'll yell and yada yada yada. Then when it all settles down, I'll get Ronald to ask loudly what they are and so begins the Sex Ed class instead of potions. It will drive him mad, as he will be the one who will have to explain. So what do you think?" I asked.

"Brilliant. Bloody brilliant!" said Remus and Sirius together. "We'll have them for you on Sunday, Hermione." said Remus and with that I headed to my final detention with Snape.

I knocked and entered. I headed to straight over to the table that had a cauldron already set up and ingredients beside it. I could tell from the ingredients that it was dreamless sleep potion that Madame Pomfrey needed, so I began without a word to Snape.

All through detention I could feel his eyes on me. Several times he tired to get me to converse with him, but I'd only nod or shake my head in answer.

When the potion was bottled and labeled and the work area clear, I waited to be dismissed.

I remained silent for a good 20 minutes before Snape gave up and dismissed me. I grinned to myself as I headed to my common room. Tomorrow is Saturday and I had a wonderful trick to play on both Draco and Snape.

They'll never try something like that again. Muhahahahahaa!


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own it, so don't sue. Let's thank the brilliant Beta.

I had everything ready to go for Mondays prank. At three o'clock this morning Sirius and Remus delivered the package. Apparently they where so excited they couldn't wait. So immediately after I had left for detention last night, they went out and got this special delivery.

After breakfast I headed to the library to do some study, both boys and Ginny complaining that it was a Saturday and to nice outside. I ignored them and carried on. Four hours later, found me halfway through Airthmancy notes for the past 7 years. I was so absorbed in them, that I didn't see or hear him until it was too late.

A cough alerted me to his presence. I glanced up only to look down again and begin collect my stuff. I ignored him and continued gather all my notes and quills, trying to stuff them into my already overloaded bag.

"Please Miss Granger. May I have a moment of your time?" asked Snape. He looked pitiful. His eyes shone with regret and remorse. I nodded, dropping my bag on the chair behind me.

"I'm sorry. That prank was in bad taste. Minerva was so shocked that she complained about your behaviour at the staff meeting." he said.

"I accept your apology, but it will take a lot more than an apology to get Professor McGonagall's trust back." I said as I grabbed my bag and headed for the exit.

I dropped my bag off in the common room and headed up to dinner. Harry, Ron, Draco and Ginny were already there. As I piled food onto my plate, I had a sudden stroke of brilliance hit me.

I covertly kept my eyes on the staff table. When Remus, Sirius and Severus were all present I put my plan into action.

I leapt up screaming, "You pervert! Draco! How dare you try and put your hand in my pants. You piece of scum." "Hermione, I didn't. I swear!" cried a terrified Draco. Sirius, Remus and Severus came storming towards us.

"Twenty points from Slytherin." snarled an irate Snape.

"Mr. Malfoy, kindly tell me why your hand would be anywhere near Miss Granger's body?" said Remus in a deadly voice, while Sirius had his arm around me trying to comfort me. Poor bloke thought I was crying, but I was actually shaking from suppressed laughter.

Step one completed, i.e. get revenge on Draco, step two…get revenge on Snape.

I slowly positioned myself in the space between Snape and Remus, and gently threw my hysterically weeping self at Snape. I sobbed uncontrollable all over Snape's robes which incidentally covered the whispered spell to add some sparkle to the back of his robes.

I calmed myself and waited for the explosion. Five minutes later I was not disappointed. As Snape turned to head back to the staff table, he gave everyone, including Remus and Sirius, a brilliant view of his newly designed robes.

In green and purple glitter read, "BATMAN". Of course it was Remus' and Sirius' fault, as they set everyone else of laughing.

With my mission complete, I left. Snape having discovered what people were laughing at by threatening a third year with a months worth of detention, if he "Didn't let in on the joke".


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own it. And a shout out to my beta, who's the greatest if I do say so myself.

Due to yesterday's success at revenge, another idea on a prank was inspired. It was a variation of what was on the boys prank list. Today I was going to follow Snape around all day, while singing….wait for it….nananananananananananana, BATMAN!, nanananananananana BATMAN!

It will annoy him so much that he will reveal his bat wings and bat ears, thus proving my theory of Snape being a human Bat.

Any who, it was all going fine, until after dinner. But I digress. Let me start at the beginning.

At breakfast I started singing it as Snape swished and billowed past our table until he sat down at the staff table.

After breakfast I followed him to the library, all the while singing his favorite song.

I sang it all through the day as he billowed around, only stopping when he stopped walking, up until after dinner.

As I got up from the dinner table, Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Draco following, we headed after the bat like shape of Snape.

By the time we caught up we were on the fourth floor. It took me exactly 10 seconds to catch my breath before I could sing. By now I was walking right beside Snape, he glanced over at me, a weary look on his face.

So I thought I'd cheer him up, and so it began.

"Nanananananananananana….Batman….nananananananananana…..Batman…..nananananannanananana…..Batman….nanananananananana….Batm

"

"MISS GRANGER!" screamed a seriously annoyed McGonagall.

Gulp! "Yes professor"? I said.

"Don't you 'yes professor me', Miss Granger. How dare you treat Professor Snape in this manner. What has come over you, girl? Fifty points from Gryffindor for such blatant disrespect to a staff member." Said McGonagall.

"And Severus, I'm surprised at you. Normally you would never tolerate such childish behaviour. I will not question you or stand against you in the punishment you decide for Miss Granger due to her horrid behaviour." and with that said, she left.

Snape turned to me. His face was drawn and tired looking. "I I ….Detention Miss Granger at 7 tomorrow night." he said and left.

Well that was strange. I turned upon hearing muffled laughter. Both Ron and Harry were on the floor laughing, while Ginny and Draco were supporting each other. Laughing so hard that they were holding their sides, while tears streamed down their faces.

The sight alone set me off and thus it was a good half hour later before we were composed enough to head back to our respected common rooms.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Disclaimer: don't own it. Let's give a big round of applause to Vswimming12 for beta'n this chapter.

Today was the day to embarrass, annoy, get revenge and drive Snape crazy for the horrid prank he and Draco played on me. Revenge will be sweet. And all the sweeter thanks to Remus and Sirius for supplying me with the goods. Cue evil grin.

Hehe. I packed my bag and headed up to breakfast with Draco. The boys immediately noticed my cheery mood, but decided not to comment on it. I smiled and continued to sip my earl grey tea and nibble on my toast, as the boys inhaled their food.

Earlier this morning, I had snuck down to the kitchen to get 36 cucumbers to help with my little experiment. Everything that I needed was sitting in my bag under the table.

When the boys and Ginny had finished shoveling food down, we got up and headed to our first class of the day. Double potions.

We filed in and awaited Snape's arrival. The classroom door crashed open and closed, announcing Snape's arrival. He billowed up to his desk and flicked his wand. Writing appeared on the blackboard.

"I want a sample of this potion from each of you by the end of the lesson. Begin!" said Snape.

We were to brew veritaserum truth potion. I had already brewed it before, so it would be perfect for to pull off the prank and have my potion done in time. What fun!

Class began as normal. Everyone attending to their potions in silence. All that could be heard was the simmering of cauldrons.

Twenty minutes had passed and I was halfway through with my potion. I decided to start handing out the boxes of condoms, seeing as how the potion had to simmer for the next ten minutes.

"Pst….Pst Harry." I whispered. "Have a box for you." I said.

"Pst Pansy. I have a present for you." I whispered as I passed over the box to her.

"Hey Blaze, I think you'll need these for later." I said in my normal voice. As I passed the box to Blaze, Snape swooped down.

"What do you think you are doing, Miss Granger?" said Snape in a cold voice.

"Well sir! I just wanted everyone to be safe rather than sorry." I said.

"Well Miss Granger, I do hope you have one for everyone, otherwise it will be ten points from Gryffindor." he said with a smug sneer.

"Ok." I said. I retrieved my bag from under the desk and started to hand out the boxes to everyone in the class.

"Don't worry my friends," I said "I have one for everyone in the audience." "Miss Granger. What the hell do you think your doing?" yelled Snape.

"Giving out a box of condoms to everyone." I replied with an, I'm so innocent look on my face.

"This is a potion's class not health class. Get rid of those things at once" said Snape.

"Sir", said Pansy, "What are CONDOMS?"

Judging by Snape's face, he knew exactly what they were and what they were used for.

"I have no "but before he could finish Draco had emptied his box out and was blowing the condoms up. "Ummm this one tastes like strawberrys." he commented.

All the muggleborns promptly fell around the class laughing, as he went in for a lick and suck at it. The purebloods didn't understand and very few half bloods did either.

Snape stormed over to Draco and told him to take the condom out of his mouth. "Why? There just balloons." he said.

This caused another round of laughter.

"Erm Draco, there actually a form of muggle contraception." I said.

"It's for the males." I explained.

"What does she mean for the males? Professor?" asked Draco.

Snape turned round and headed for his desk. He sat down and placed his head in his arms.

He looked like he was convulsing. I thought he was having a fit. "Sir are you alright." I asked as I got up from my seat.

I headed up to Snape's desk. "Sir?" I asked. Praying to god I hadn't just given my teacher a mental breakdown so soon. I mean come on; I still have 11 more pranks to complete.

I placed my hand on his shoulder, only to jump back when he raised his face from his hands. He was laughing. Severus Snape, Greasy Git of the dungeons, the Bat, the Bastard extraordinaire was laughing.

He was watching Draco as he sucked on the fruity flavored condom and was laughing.

Seeing as he was in such a good mood I decided to take it up a notch. I handed Snape a box of condom and said, "I wouldn't want you to feel left out. After all you did say I had to have one for everyone." And with that I returned to my seat and potion.

By this stage, nearly the whole class had followed Draco example and were sucking on the condoms. Harry, Ron, Ginny, Neville, Luna and I were the only ones not.

Finally, Snape seemed to have calmed down. Although, if he looked at any student, he would break down again.

I was now three quarters of the way through my potion and just about to add the billywig wings when Snape spoke.

"All of you who have those things in their mouths may wish to know what you are chewing at. Miss Granger, please enlighten the class as to what they are for."

"Certainly sir. May I demonstrate?" I asked.

"WH WHAT?" said Snape. "That would be most inappropriate."

"No sir. I mean with these. I have enough for everyone, so they can practice a life skill as well."

I proceeded to hand out a cucumber to each student and one to Professor Snape. "Now sir I believe your familiar with this, more so than me, so you should demonstrate and I'll lecture." I said as I turned back to the class.

"Now wait just one moment Miss " Snape started but I ignored him and continued on.

"Now class. Each of you already has a condom. So I would ask you to watch Professor Snape and copy him. I'll walk you through it." "Open the packet as Professor Snape is Professor please show them." He grunted and did so. He was slightly pink around the ears.

"Now pinch the tip and roll it down over the cucumber, like Professor Snape is doing. And there you have it. That it was goes on the male."

Professor Snape dropped the cucumber on his desk and sat down. All at once there was retching and gagging as the people who had, had the condoms in theirs mouths realized what they were for and where they went.

It was hilarious. Draco went red, then green, then red again. Tears were rolling down my eyes, I was laughing so hard. God, I could relieve that moment again and again.

Oh wait, I can. I secretly taped it for Remus and Sirius. Muhaha!

Class was almost over. I bottled my potion and brought it up to Snape's desk. His eyes were shooting daggers at me the whole time.

The cucumber from the demonstration was a black char mark on the desk.

Thankfully the bell rang before he could give me a detention and I ran for it.

Completely forgetting that I had already received detention and that it was tonight.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I just mess around with J.K characters, which all gets betaed by Vswimming12.

It was ten minutes to seven as I headed down to detention. The boys having reminded me five minutes ago that I had detention with Snape.

The door to the classroom was open. I knocked anyway before entering. Severus was leaning against his desk. His long legs stretched out in front of him.

I set down my bag on the nearest table and waited for further instruction. His coal black eyes just watched me, as I shifted from one foot to the other. I coughed nervously, looking for some sign of what I was to be doing tonight.

No cauldrons needed scrubbing. No potion lists were set out or ingredients that needed chopping. An uneasy feeling crept over me.

Why was he just standing there, staring? It was so annoying.

Finally I snapped, "What? What are you staring at? Have I got something on my face?" I said, irritated beyond belief.

He just smiled and stepped forward. "I need your help in brewing some skele grow for Madame Pomfrey." I followed him through his office and behind a secret door to his private lab.

It was amazing. I wish I could work in here instead of the dreary classroom we have.

He chuckled at my expression. "Nice isn't it?"

I nodded in agreement, to busy trying to take everything in.

And so began the detention. We worked in silence for the first half hour. I felt it was too eerie, so I decided to add a bit of sound to lighten the mood.

Just as he leaned over towards me to pick up the freshly diced rats tails, I let out a rather loud meow in his ear.

He jumped sending the rats tails flying into the air.

I whipped out my wand and summoned them. Placing them into the cauldron and nudging Snape into stirring it.

He was completely shocked and speechless. His mouth was gaping open like a fishes would.

I carried on with my dicing and chopping of ingredients, reminding Snape that the potion needed to simmer for 12 minutes, seeing as he was still staring at me, mouth open wide while stirring the potion.

I ignored him and continued with getting the ingredients ready for the potion.

Finally he got himself under control and continued on with the brewing of the potion.

Twenty minutes later and silence had fallen again. The only sounds in the whole room were the sounds of us breathing and the bubbling on the potion.

I glanced over at Snape, making sure that this time he didn't have anything in his hands and said, "Sir, we need more newt eyes."

He nodded and handed over the stirring rod to go fetch some from his private stores. He came back and leaning over me to place them inadvertedly, pressed me into the table.

I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. I tried hard to suppress a shiver, "WOOF". I jumped about a foot in the air.

I spun around only to see Snape doubled over with laughter. I had sliced my finger open when I jumped.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I screamed. He looked up still laughing, only to notice that I was bleeding heavily.

The laughter died instantly and a look of…no it couldn't be…is that concern….came over his face.

"Oh Merlin." he said as he grabbed my hand. He took out his wand and waved it around a few times. After a few seconds the tingling sensation that had started when he waved his wand, faded away.

I was left with a silvery scar on my index finger. Starting at the tip and running down to the knuckle. Snape continued to examine it, running his finger up and down the newly healed cut.

His fingers massaged circles into my hand. This time I couldn't prevent the shiver that ran through me, causing his eyes to snap to mine.

His eyes trapped me and I couldn't look away. His gaze flickered to my lips and back to my eyes. Slowly he leaned forward, waiting and watching to see if I'd pull away.

I was frozen in place. His breaths forming soft puffs of air against my lips. Unintentionally my tongue darted out and licked them. His eye's dilated and the next thing I knew was, Snape's lips crashing down on mine.

His hand left hand tightened around my right, while his right traveled down to my hip. My left had tangled in his hair. He nipped and licked his way inside my mouth causing heat to pool in my belly.

I could hear hissing and wondered if it was me, when suddenly I remembered the potion. I pulled away, gasping for breath and tried to turn towards the potion to take it off the heat.

I was prevented by Snape pulling my mouth back to his. I hammered on his chest until he let go. A look of hurt crossed over his face before his mask of indifference took over again.

"The potion you idiot!" I said, still gasping for air. It took him a minute before he realized what I was saying and doing.

He took the potion off the heat and set it down to cool. By the time he turned round, I was gone.

Tears streaming down my face I thought to myself "What have you done!".

I ran outside and straight into the forbidden forest, transforming as I went.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Thanks to my beta Vswimmming12.

A/N: Mind speech in italics. Also 10 pranks have already been featured in this story so far, just so everyone knows what number were up to.

I ran, and ran. No one, except Harry, knew where I was now. And if anybody happened to get near enough, they wouldn't recognize me. Not in my Animagus form, or so I thought.

I was a sleek black panther. Everyone else didn't know that all last year Harry and I became Animagus'. Or course we aren't registered. Harry's form is a falcon. It took us over seven months of intensive training to become Animagi, but it was worth it for the freedom that it could afford us.

I finally reached the clearing, and through myself down onto the ground. My mind was in chaos, but I knew one thing for sure. I loved him. I loved the great greasy git of the dungeons.

I could still feel his lips on mine. I could still feel his tongue caressing mine. I could still taste him, and smell him.

His scent was so strong; it was like he was right beside me. I closed my eyes and imagined what might of happened if I hadn't run. And that's when he spoke.

"Why did you run?" he sounded confused. My eye's snapped open. Severus was before me as a black panther with silver tuffs of hair throughout his coat.

I backed away, contemplating running again. He stepped forward. I turned and ran. I could hear him following and then, BAM! He jumped on me. I twisted and wriggled and tried to get away, and than he bit me.

He grabbed me by my scruff and held on. I whined and panted.

"Why?" he demanded to know.

"Let go of me you bastard. You're hurting me." I said, panting even harder as he leaned his heavy body down on mine, completing the alpha position.

"NO, now tell me why you ran from me?" he said as he bit down on my neck.

I growled and tried to snap at his paws. He just tugged on my neck causing me to whine and whimper.

"I don't know why. It all happened so fast. Now let me the fuck go!" I screamed.

He shook me by my neck. "No. I'm falling for you, you stupid chit. I'm falling for a bloody student. God, this is fucked up. Idiot. But what would you know. All your interested in is playing childish pranks instead of facing reality. Lying to people about you, where you've been staying. Behaving like a child. I'm sure your mother and father would be thrilled to know that their little girl is behaving like a tart. You wouldn't know a hard life if it bit you on the arse. Nice family, nice comfy schooling. Only a little bit of a war, but then again people saved your arse there too."

"You Bastard. You know nothing of my life. Having your mother murdered by a sick and twisted bitch. Having your father blame you for her death. A loving father becomes an abusive drunk who beat you round. Having no one to turn to because your friends didn't want to believe that things had gotten bad. That you were over reacting and upset because of the war. Being raped by Dolohov and tortured by Bellitrix. The bitch that killed your mother and caused your whole life to turn upside down. OH I know nothing of the world. I'm just a silly little girl. You want to know the real reason for why I was in Diagon Alley. I'll tell. I ran from my father because he wanted to rape me too. He had beaten me for two weeks straight when I got home after the war.

That's why I was there on my own. I stayed at the Lecky Cauldron because I couldn't burden my friends. I had no one to turn to, no one." I whispered.

By this stage I had transformed back into my human form and the tears were cascading down my cheeks. Severus muzzle and teeth still on my neck.

He transformed back and wrapped me in his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" was all he said. His grip tightened around me then relaxed as Sirius and Remus came into view.

"You could have stayed with Remus and me, Hermione." said Sirius.

I looked up into their sad faces and the guilt was over powering. I clung tighter to Severus and wished that this was all just a bad dream.

Remus and Sirius kneeled down beside me and Severus and transformed. Sirius into a dog and |Remus into a wolf. They curled around me and Severus. I calmed and looked into Severus' face. He was concerned but there was something else. I couldn't place it. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against my forehead.

"Transform with me and the four us will go for a run," he said.

I smiled and nodded. "How did you follow me? I was long gone." I asked.

"I followed your scent. I needed to understand." he said.

I nodded, and pulled away to give me room to transform.

Three seconds later, we were both panthers. The four of us took of running. Chasing each other and playing tag. All the while discussing how I became an Animagus. It was an unspoken agreement to not mention my past again that night. I needed time and I would come to them when I was ready.

"So, Hermione, any chance or your stopping this ridiculous prank war between us?" inquired Severus. I could feel the others objections.

"Not a chance. We're having such fun, Sevie poo. Besides I stand by what I said before, we all need a bit of fun this year." I grinned a very feline grin, bit Remus and scampered off, leaving the boys to hunt after me.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. A big shout out to my beta vswimming12, you're the

Now on with the pranking…

I was tired the next morning, but it was worth it. The morning flew by, and D.A.D.A. after breakfast was great. It was a practical, so both Remus and Sirius were there.

There were an odd number of students, so Remus and I partnered up. Remus lost because he wasn't quick enough to conjure a shield after his hex. He laughed it off saying he'd get me next time.

Before I knew it we were heading down to potions. "Hey Hermione, I dare you to do prank number 8 on the list." said Ron I took out the list and read number 8. It read as follows: go into storeroom in potion's class, wait exactly 15 minutes, then proclaim loudly that, "Hey, there's no toilet paper in here.", then walk out of storeroom like nothings happened.

I cringed, but wasn't going to back down. "Fine. What will you give me in return?" I said.

"Err…I'll be your slave for a week." He said, looking nervous.

"Okay, deal. You will do everything I say. Got it?" He nodded.

We entered the classroom and took our seats, as Severus called for silence.

"Due to the demonstration in the last potion's class. The headmaster as deemed it necessary for you to know how to brew both a male and female contraceptive potion. Today we will deal with the male version and tomorrow the female. Instructions are on the board. Begin!" with that said, Severus sat down at his desk and pulled a stack of what looked like essays towards him.

I set up my cauldron next to Draco and waited for the rest of my classmates to gather their ingredients.

When everyone was silently chopping, dicing or brewing, I headed towards the storeroom to get my ingredients.

I entered and waited the designated 15 minutes. I gathered my courage and yelled, "HEY, there's no toilet paper in here!" I shrugged and left, turning at the exit and said a cleaning spell before heading to my table with my ingredients.

Severus was horrified. He looked like he was gong to be sick. I turned my attention to my potion. The quiet giggles that filled the room were silenced, when the potion master billowed down to my desk.

"Miss Granger, I thought you might like these until your castle trained. After all we wouldn't want anymore accidents, now would we?" he said as he handed me a packet of nappies,(diapers).

I was furious. That evil git! He was supposed to be the embarrassed one not me. GURRRRRR!

"And Professor Hagrid said he'd help you with the training. You'll be out of these in no time." he said as he shook the nappies at me.

By now, the whole class where in hysterics. I just smiled and carried on with my potion. This means war, my dear Sevie poo, WAR!

Class finished and I hung back. "You do realize that you've just dug your grave, right?" I said as I leaned against his desk.

"Yes. I'm looking forward to seeing what you have in store. But I'll warn you now," he said as he stepped closer, leaning down, his lips a hairs brush away, "I will enjoy fighting back." and closed the distance.

It was a chaste kiss, but it set my body on fire. I smiled. "See you later Severus." "See you soon, Mia," he said, "very soon".


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Correct grammar and spelling is all thanks to vswimming12.

WARNING: SMUT ALERT!

It was Saturday, and a Hogesmead weekend. Draco, Harry, Ron, Ginny, and I decided to go. I wanted to get some new quills and a few extra Christmas presents, seeing as how Christmas was two weeks away.

Draco and I split up from the rest of the group and headed to Augustine's Book and Tuck shop.

"I'll meet you at the entrance in an hours time okay?" I said to Draco as I wondered off down the aisles. I heard a muffled, 'Umm…', as I headed for the back of the shop. The rarest collection being behind a wooden door, which only well known people have access to.

As I reached for the handle, so did a slender pale hand, with long delicate fingers. "Sorry." we both said. I followed the arm up to the face. It was Severus.

"Miss. Granger." he nodded and opened the door, waving me in before him. No one else was in here. I said my thanks and began to browse.

After about 15 minutes, I could still feel Severus' eyes on me. I pulled down the two books that I wanted and headed for the third, but I was too short. I stood on my tippy toes and just about reached it when Severus hand grabbed the book, inadvertedly pushing me into the bookshelf.

I could feel his hard chest and his lean frame close in around me. I was enveloped by his slightly musky scent. His hand drew down with the book, and he placed it and the others on a nearby table.

My breathing was ragged. I could feel his left hand still on my waist, gently massaging circles into it with his thumb. After pulling the books from me and setting them down, his right hand joined his left on the other side of my waist.

He head lowered towards my exposed neck. Lips softly nipping and licking at the flesh there. His arms pulling at my waist, pulling me into his body. I leaned back and tried to regulate my breath.

His lips were doing wonderful things to my body. I tried, and failed to suppress a moan as his tongue pressed on a sensitive spot. His hips where pressed against mine, and I could feel the result of what his actions were doing to him.

I shifted slightly, causing his member to pulse against the top of my ass. I groaned again. I circled my hips again, this time causing Severus to groan and bite down on my shoulder.

I hissed in pain and pushed back hard against his hips. He spun me around and crashed his lips down on mine.

The ache between my legs grew, as the fire in my belly pooled and grew in intensity.

I ground my hips against his as his tongue demanded entrance. "Hermione we have to stop." Severus panted.

"I know. Ummm, Oh god, just like that." I moaned as he bit down again. This time marking my neck.

He pulled back and rested his forehead against mine. Breathing deeply, we stared into each others eyes. And in that moment I realized that not only did I trust him, but that I loved him.

We slowly broke apart; I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "We need to talk," I said.

"I know", he said, "Come to my office tonight and we'll talk then."

"Okay. I'd better go before Draco comes looking for me."

He smiled and handed me back the books. Kissed my forehead and leaned against the table, watching me straighten my clothes and head for the door.

"Severus?" I said.

"Hermione."

"I'll leave the sign on my back, shall I?" I said while trying not to laugh at his antics.

"If you wouldn't mind. I'm sure one of your friends will remove it. Eventually." He said.

I smiled. "See you later." and with that said, I took my leave.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I don't own it. My wonderful beta is vswimming12.

I passed the evening by reading and chatting with my friends in the Head's common room. At five minutes to curfew, they headed back to Gryffindor Tower, while Draco and I went on patrol.

An hour later, Slytherin and Gryffindor were both 40 points lighter, our jobs were done. We headed back down to our rooms.

"I'll talk to you in the morning Draco, I have to see Professor Snape." I said as I walked passed our rooms.

"Okay, Mione. See you in the morning" he said and entered our rooms.

I arrived at Severus' door and knocked. "Come in." said Severus.

I entered. "I'm in the study." he called.

His rooms where bigger than I remembered them being. I found the study and entered to see Severus in a comfy looking black armchair, the fire blazing beside him and a book lying on his lap. A tumbler of what looked like Firewhiskey was sitting on the armrest of his chair.

He rose, placed his book aside and motioned me to sit on the chair facing him. I sat and he re seated himself. The silence stretched until I couldn't bear it anymore.

"Severus, I like you….alot...erm…" I trailed off not knowing what more to say. I was embarrassed and beginning to doubt his feelings for me when he swooped down and captured my lips with his.

He pulled back and said, "And I like you alot….more than words can say.", and proceeded to snog the face off me.

After a few minutes we pulled away from each other, as oxygen was necessary to stay alive.

"So were do we go from here?" I asked.

"Wherever you like. The only condition is that we take things slow. Your NEWT's are up soon and I'm still your professor until then. But apart from that I'd like to see what came of this. Of us." He said.

I nodded, leaned forward and gave him a chaste kiss. "Right. I think we should get to know one another more, don't you? So, what I suggest is that we join forces for one major prank and scare the bejesus out of Minerva, Remus, Sirius and Albus. What do you think?" I said as I smiled innocently up at him.

His face was a blank mask but slowly, very slowly the mask cracked and Severus started to smile. The more he thought about it the bigger the smile grew until he was laughing.

"God, now I know why I love you." he said. My laughter stopped instantly and I looked at him. I was stunned. Did he just say he loved me?

I smiled to myself and set about planning with Severus for the ultimate; get back and friends and colleagues prank, ever.

It was two in the morning by the time I left Severus' chambers and headed to my own. We had arranged to meet up tomorrow night to discuss the prank in more detail, but so far we had come up with me being pregnant with Remus' child, him proposing to Sirius and telling Minerva that Filch has a crush on her and wants to meet her in the Room of Requirement for a romantic dinner for two.

Severus insisted that we had to get Remus and Sirius drunk for their part in the prank to work. He said that, that way I could sneak in the next morning into Remus' chambers and pretend that I'd just woken up after a late night rubble with him. I nearly gagged when he suggest that.

I mean Remus is nice to look at but I can't see him in that sort of light. Also, Sirius had to be drunk in order for Severus to propose the night before in front of the staff and student, for him to accept. I cringed at the idea, but still it would be funny.

Severus had tasked me with the job of getting Colin to record the whole thing on this camera. It would be perfect blackmail to use in years to come. Heehee! I couldn't wait for tomorrow to come as I snuggled down into my feathery duvet.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I don't own it. A big group hug to my wonderful beta vswimming12. Xxxxoooooxxxxx

It was breakfast time in the Great Hall and Severus and I had agreed last night, so as to not draw suspicion to ourselves that we would carry on in our prank war.

Due to this, I had an epic prank planned for today and seeing as how I had Ron as my slave, (pause for evil gin), I planned on making Ron do it but making sure that Severus knew it was really me.

I leaned across the table to inform my slave, a.k.a Ronald, that today was his lucky day.

"Ronnykinns…Guess what you'll be doing today?" I said while plastering an evil grin that said, 'You'll wished that you never existed by the time I'm through with you'.

"This is what I want you to do. Go up to Snape at lunch time and grin at him. Then look sad, and then grin again. Just as he's about open his mouth to say something, yell at him, "Hermione has new socks on. They have bats on them. They remind me of you. Do you want to see them?". Then get away before Snape hexes you into next year." I said.

Ron looked stunned, and then started to sob. "I don't want to die. I'm too young to die." he said.

"You're not going to die. He'll know it's me and give me the detention and torture. You'll be fine. I promise." I said with a smile, and kissed his cheek.

Harry and Ginny had been doubled over with laughter as I told Ron what he had to do. I patted Ginny on the back and said I'd see them in class and headed off to the library to look up a charm to get bat socks.

Not only was this prank designed to throw the heat off Severus and me, but it was also to get back at him for the sign he permanently stuck to my back. I wouldn't have minded if it said something witty or funny, but no. It said "Insufferable know it all." Like, what the hell? What is wrong with the man? So this is why I must embarrass him in front of Remus and Sirius yet again. It really is the only way that he'll learn his lesson.

The day passed quickly and lunch time arrived. Ron was looking green, so I thought I'd cheer him up.

"Hey Ron, it's not that bad. Professor Snape looks like he's in a great mood." I said knowing full well that Severus was in one of his darkest moods. I could tell this due to the black scowl firmly in place and also because Trelawney was sitting in the seat beside him. Oh well! He'd soon be cheered up. Hehe!

Ron looked up towards the head table and saw Snape. He looked like he was going to run, so I grabbed a hold of his jumper.

"Right. I think now's the time to do it. Have fun, Ron." and with that I promptly flung him out of his chair and towards the staff table.

Draco, Harry, Ginny and I, all watched as the show unfolded before our very eyes.

Ron approached the staff table grinning like a lunatic, waddling his way towards the end of the table where Severus sat.

Severus shot Ron a look of distain and was just about to ask what the hell Ron was doing, when Ron butted in and yelled, "Hermione has new socks sir. You're on them. They show your bat wings. Do you want to see? Let's go take a look?" and promptly tired to pull Severus over the table and towards us.

Although Ron didn't do it exactly as I said to, it was still hilarious. Severus was totally not pleased. He couldn't comprehend that he was be dragged towards Gryffindor table and that Ronald Weasley had yelled at him. The great potion master of Hogwarts was yelled at and dragged by a Weasley.

I couldn't contain the laughter any longer and fell backwards off the bench because I was laughing so hard.

Soon most of the Great Hall had joined in. Severus realizing that it was a pranks snapped into action.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor and two weeks detention with Filch, Weasley. And a months detention Miss Granger for orchestration of this ridiculous prank." he yelled as he stormed passed and slammed the door of the Great Hall behind him.

It was a while later before the giggles subsided, and peace was restored once again.


	19. Chapter 19 Part 1

Chapter 19 Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own it. A genius by the name of vswimming12 beta's this. Xxx

I arrived at detention early. Severus was sitting behind his desk marking what looked like essays.

"Good afternoon Hermione. Pull up a chair and sit up here, we have a lot to get planned and prepared for tomorrow." he said.

I pulled up a chair, somewhat confused, but shook it off as I pulled out the plan's that I had sketched out late last night.

"This is what I have so far," I said "I think you should invite Sirius and Remus to the Room of Requirement tonight around nine or a get together. Tell them that Harry, Ginny, Draco and I will be there as well, but Ron won't due to his detention. I'll invite Ginny, Harry and Draco and tell them of our plans for only Sirius and Remus. That way we'll have help getting both Remus and Sirius drunk. Harry told me that when both of them have too much to drink they black out, so it will be perfect for what we intend to do with Remus." I finished.

Severus was grinning by the time I'd finished my little speech. "Okay", he said. "Now all we have to do is figure out what to do about Albus and trap Minerva with Filch. I know for a fact that Albus plans on a speech of some sort tomorrow at dinner, so we'll have an opportunity then. But what to do?"

Silence greeted this statement. I looked around, hoping that I'd find some inspiration. Nothing! No a damn th—"I've got it!" I cried. Making Severus jump.

"What? What is it?" he said.

"Professor Vector once mentioned Professor Dumbledore's fear of hens. So why don't we tell the house elves to place a real hen on Albus' plate for dinner." I said.

"Brilliant. Roast Chicken ala feathers. Haha! You're a genius." he said as he leaned back in his chair, hand running through his ebony locks.

I smiled. "Have you the fake positive pregnancy potion worked out?" I asked.

"Yes, yes. Along with the hemorrhoid salve for Filch?" he said as he waved in the direction of the potions.

"Filch needs a salve? Why didn't you tell me before now? We can get Minerva to deliver it to Filch and lock them in his office and warding it so they can't come out until they lock tongues. Will leave them a note explaining this. Also after half an hour we'll send in a romantic dinner for just the two of them." I said, laughing hysterically and the face Severus pulled when I mentioned Filch and kissing.

"Alright, it's ¼ to 9. Go tell Ginny and the boys and I'll round up Sirius and Remus and meet you in there. If Draco has anymore of that mead his father sent him, tell him to bring it. We could use it." He said as he went to get changed into something more casual. I laughed and scampered off to round up Ginny and the boys.

Twenty minutes later, the boys, Ginny and I were outside the Room of Requirement, each of us carrying either a bottle of wine or fire whiskey, except for Draco who had indeed brought his father's bottle of Oak Matured Mead.

Sirius, Remus, and Severus were already ¾ of the way through a bottle of fire whiskey by the time we ourselves had entered, took our seats and had a glass of whatever our fancy, in hand.

"Well Hermione, Severus here said this was all your idea. Something about a celebration of some sorts. Toasting your success?" hinted Sirius.

I drew a blank, wondering what the hell he was talking about and what Severus had said.

"Come now, Miss. Granger. Surely your not this modest and have bragged to your friends about gaining an apprenticeship with me." said Severus, eyes gleaming with mischief.

I was speechless. Severus was actually offering me an apprenticeship. In all his 16 years of being a potion master, having obtained his masters at the age of 19, he had never taken on an apprentice, even though thousands had applied.

Severus smiled and cocked his head to one side, as if to say, 'well don't just stand there with your mouth hanging open'.

I snapped to and said, "Well were would the surprise be then?" All the while smiling my head off at Severus.

The time passed quickly, Sirius and Remus getting tipsier by the minute.

I was sat in between Severus and Remus. Remus' arm was slung round my shoulders and his hand would occasionally brush my side and breast.

Sirius was next after Severus and Harry was after Sirius. Ginny was in Draco's lap and he was sitting next to Remus.

Every time Remus' hand strayed, Severus would shift and bite his lip to prevent him from saying or acting on his impulses. But this was the plan. And we had to stick to it.

It was nearing half 12 when Harry, Ginny and Draco decided to call it night. They said their goodbyes and headed to bed. Harry wishing me luck as they left.

By now Sirius and Remus were both heavily intoxicated. "Severus, you take Sirius to his quarters and I'll help Remus okay?" I said as I pulled Remus up, only to fall back down into his lap as he pulled back.

"Come on, Remus. Let's get you to be bed." I said as Severus pulled one arm and I pulled the other. We got him up and I slung his arm around my shoulders and proceeded to half walk, half carry, Remus out.

"Meet you in twenty, when I give Sirius the prolonged intoxication potion." whispered Severus in my ear as we headed off in to our separate destinations.

I lumbered along with Remus, stopping every now and then to remove Remus' hand from my breast or the top of my jeans. We reached his chambers before long. I pulled him towards the bedroom. I sat him down on his bed and was getting ready to kneel down to take of his shoes on socks, when his strong arms pulled me into his lap and started too ravage my mouth.

He was domineering yet gentle. His hands roamed my back under my shirt. I moaned and gasped as he nibbled and sucked my bottom lip, undoing the clasp on my bra. I kissed back with more force and ground my crotch against his.

He stilled and promptly passed out. Snoring softly as his head hit the duvet.

I giggled and continued undressing him. When he was naked I slipped him under the sheets and redid my bra clasp.

I threw around some of his clothes to make it look like a fit of passion and waited for Severus.

Five minutes later, Severus was there with some of my clothes to use as evidence. Severus taking great pleasure in ripping my panties, bra and shirt in pieces. I smiled and shook my head and continued to throw my clothes around the sitting room and Remus' bedroom.

After completing that, we headed into Remus' bedroom and set up wards to prolong his sleep, until we wanted him to wake up with me in bed with him.

"Severus, I'm not going to be completely naked. I'm having a sheet on at all times, okay? I will not do it otherwise." I said.

He sweeps me into his arms and kisses my forehead, and said "I won't have it any other way."

I smile and finish the warding. "Severus are you serious about the apprenticeship?" I asked, feeling somewhat foolish to even hope for such an impossible thing.

"Of course. If you want to that is." he said as we exited Remus' chambers.

"Yes. I'd love that." I said as I threw myself into his arms.

He laughed and hugged me tightly to him.

"I'll meet you here at half six tomorrow morning. Goodnight." and with that I skipped off to my rooms, leaving a smiling Severus in my wake.


	20. Chapter 19 Part 2

Chapter 19 Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything save for the plot. All things grammar and spelling related is all thanks to vswimming12. Xxx

It was a quarter to six when I headed up to meet up with Severus in Remus' sitting room. Severus was already there, Harry's invisibility cloak lying against the back of the sofa.

"You ready?" asked Severus. I nodded and kissed his cheek. I went into the bathroom to strip down, wrapped the sheet securely around myself and exited.

"You look to fresh. Here." said Severus as he swished his wand around my person. "Perfect. All morning glory." He laughed. I reached up and felt my hair. It was wild and mussed. My lips felt swollen and love bites appeared on my neck and arms. I growled at Severus as he laughed.

I got into Remus' bed and draped his arms over me. One hand resting on my waist and the other on my breast. I gasped when he squeezed it and locked eyes with Severus. He threw the cloak on and reversed the wards.

I closed my eyes and relaxed. A few minutes later Remus began to stir, only to still instantly when he saw who was in bed with him. "Oh, God." I heard him whisper, "What have I done?" I felt bad for him but he'd eventually forgive me after this was all over, right? Right?

Oh well, too late to turn back now. I groaned and fluttered my eyelids as if I'm just waking up, Remus inhales sharply as I stretch. I open my eyes and gasp. Remus' face was to close, way too close.

I move backwards up the bed away from him clutching the sheet to me.

"Go Hermione. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I was so drunk. God, I can't remember a thing." he said holding his face in his hands.

It was so hard not to laugh at him. "What do you mean you don't remember? You were all for it last night. Don't you dare say you were too drunk. You're the one who said to skip the contraception spell. That you wanted kids. That you loved me." by now I had hid my face in my hands. I was shaking from laughter but Remus' assumed it was sobs. I added a few sniffles for effect.

"What do you mean no contraceptive? Hermione please tell me you took a potion of something." he asked, desperation ringing in his voice.

"I didn't. You said you loved me and wanted my babies to be yours." I wailed.

"What? I was bloody drunk!" he yelled, which set me off wailing louder. Who said I wasn't a brilliant actress? I'm the best. I have Remus practically foaming at the mouth in fear.

"Go get Snape!" I cried, "He'll have a test or something to find out what you've done." and with that I stormed into the bathroom.

I grabbed a towel and stuffed it over my mouth to dampen the sound of my laughter. The look on Remus' face was priceless. He looked stricken; as if he was told he had two minutes to live or something.

A few minutes later a knock sounded on the bathroom door and Severus spoke. "Miss. Granger come out. I have a potion for you to determine if both you and Remus are as big a dunderheads as I believe you are. Remus, don't you even know a simple contraceptive spell? Honestly." said Severus.

I came out of the bathroom. Tears from my earlier laughing fit sliding down my cheeks. I took the potion and downed it in one.

"In a few seconds a mist will form in front of your stomach. If it turns blue your pregnant. If it turns white your not." he said as he took the empty vile from my hand.

We waited for about five minutes. The mist formed and it turned blue as Severus and I knew it would. Remus of course didn't and therefore fainted.

I stifled my renewed giggling fit while Severus placed Remus on the sofa. We didn't revive him, but instead left a note saying that I'd talk to him at dinner as Severus has taken me to the dungeons to give me a calming draught.

And so we proceeded to our next target of the morning. This day was shaping up nicely, if I do say so myself. Hehe!

We head up to breakfast, were a still very drunk Sirius was at the staff table. We parted ways at the entrance to the Great Hall.

Once everyone was settled, phase two of the prank was about to begin.

Severus stood up and walked to the other end of the table were Sirius and Remus sat. He cleared his throat loudly and pulled Sirius up, who swayed were he stood.

By now everyone one in the Great Hall was focused on Severus and Sirius.

Severus got down on one knee and said, "Sirius my love, my darling, I love you and I know you love me. Let's get married and make scruffy dog babies." And with that, drew out a ring from Merlin knew where and slide it onto Sirius' finger.

"I love you Sever hiccup us." and proceeded to try and snog Snape. Colin whipped out his camera like I instructed him to, and took a picture of a very drunk Sirius trying to snog Snape while he tried to push him off.

He managed to get the sober up potion down his throat before anymore damage was done.

Slowly, Sirius' face fell. He turned and retched several times. Took of the ring and flung it at a laughing Severus. He stamped his foot and said "You great greasy BAT!" and fled from the Hall.

The whole Hall burst out laughing. Many rolling on the floor, clutching their sides trying to breathe. I giggled and looked up to see a smiling Severus looking at me.

'Phase two complete,' he mouthed. I nodded and scanned the staff table for Remus. He looked lost and worried.

I decided to put him out of his misery, due to the fact that we had already taken it a bit far. I got up and headed to the staff table.

"Professor Lupin, may I have a word?" I asked. Remus nodded and half walked, half ran out of the room.

"It was a joke Remus. Just a prank. Relax. Severus wanted to get back at you and Sirius. Please don't be too mad at me." I said, giving my best puppy dog eyes impression.

"Oh thank god. I thought…I thought….oh well thank Merlin. Just promise me you'll never do anything like that again. That was too much. Funny, but too much." he said with a sigh of relief.

I smiled and nodded. Promising him, I'd never join forces with Severus again to prank him, ever.

Now to find Severus for phase three. Muhahahahahaa!

I found him, red faced in his office. It looked like he was choking.

"Sevy are you alright?" I asked as I stepped closer to his desk.

"Fine, Fine. And don't call me Sevy, I hate it." he said in between chuckles.

"Okay. Next phase is at lunch time just after Albus' speech. I've managed to convince Dobby the house elf to help. He agreed so long as he can clean your rooms for a week." I said. "Yes that's fine. I'll talk to Minerva at dinner and get her to agree to deliver Filch's potion to him." he said.

Thank god it was a Saturday. For the remainder of the time till dinner, I helped Severus brew potions for Madam Pomfrey stores and his own.

We worked well together. We seemed to read each other thoughts and have an ingredient ready and passing it over before the other could mention needing it.

Five minutes to dinner, we headed up to the Great Hall. Earlier that morning I had gotten Colin to agree to take photos of the staff table during dinner. Mainly focusing on Minerva, Severus, and Albus.

We took our separate places just as Albus got up to give his speech.

"Students and Staff, may I have your attention for a few moments. As the Yule tide is only a few days away, I believe we should celebrate it early by having a ball this Friday. I do hope that this will be enough notice for you lovely ladies out there. You have three days to shop and what not. Enjoy! Nut wit! Thank you." and with that said dinner appeared on everyone's plates, and a strangled girly scream came from the head master.

Everyone looked up to see the head master screaming like a girl, clutching his robes around and dancing about on the spot.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH, It's alive! Ahhhhhhhhh!" he screamed as the, what was meant to be dead roast chicken, was a very alive hen that was clucking and pecking at his beard.

"Cluck, cluck, cluck." went the hen as it went in for another attack. Albus let out another wail and ran from the room, crying like a little girl all the way.

The whole Great Hall was in up roar. Students and staff alike where falling off chairs because they were laughing so hard.

All through dinner the laughter continued. Needless to say, the hen was caught and given to Hagrid as a pet, but alas Albus didn't return.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Severus give me the signal. I got up and headed to Filch's office under Harry's invisibility cloak. I arrived without incident. I left the note telling them they had to French kiss before the locking wards would dissipate. Left the office and waited for Minerva and Filch to arrive.

They arrived soon after I had finished the final warding on the room. All that had to be done was to lock it in place when they had both entered.

Severus had followed them and as soon as they where inside the office we shut the door, finalized the locking and left to inform Misty the house elf that if they were still there by 9 pm to set up a romantic dinner for two.

I giggled all the way back to our dungeon quarters.

"Would you like to come in for tea? We still have to arrange your detentions." Severus said.

I nodded and followed him in. Besides, the truce was over. Lets the games begin!


	21. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Vswimming12 beta's this.

It was late by the time Severus and I parted company the previous night. We had arranged that I'd come for detention every week day for two hours after dinner each night.

In truth, it wouldn't be a proper detention unless another student was with us. He told me that he'd prefer to get to know me and to brew with me. I agreed, and so with that settled the rest of the night was spent chatting and in silent reading companionship.

Today Ginny, Parvati, Lavender, and Luna dragged me to the Glad Rags boutique in Hogesmead for our Yule tide dresses and shoes. It took two hours alone for Lavender and Parvati to select and purchase their gowns and accessories. Ginny and Luna took a further hour and I still had not seen anything I liked.

"Madam, perhaps one of these gowns might interest you?" said a gentle voice from behind me.

"Oh, professors," cried Ginny, "you should pick something for Hermione." suggested Lavender.

Eye's wide, shaking my head and waving my arms about trying to catch Luna's attention for her to stop; only it was too late. "What a brilliant idea Ginny." said Sirius. "You leave her with us. Run along now." said Remus. I groaned and smacked my hand against my forehead.

"You'll never guess what a little birdie told us, Mione." said Sirius, as he circled me. His eye's locked on mine. I gulped. "I have no idea." I said, praying to all that was holy to let me out of this alive and I'd never kick Ms. Norris down the stairs again and say that she flew.

"Well apparently, Minerva and Filch were locked in his office all night, until seven o'clock this morning in fact. Apparently to get out they had to tongue wrestle it out. But alas they refused and so had a romantic dinner for two. You see the next part is the real interesting part." said Sirius as he helped Remus narrow down his selection of dresses from 6 to 2, "You see, earlier this morning a Mr. Colin Creevey fell asleep. His magic waning from his disillusioned self due to his slumber. Thus getting caught by Minerva and Filch and thus spilling the beans on you to a terrifyingly angered and annoyed Minerva McGonagall. Thus placing said women on the war path. So anything you need to tell us?" said Sirius, who was cool as a fruity flavored, condomed cucumber.

I was feeling decidedly sick. "I'm dead." I said as Remus handed me a silver strapless dress with black roses stitched all along the base. A split in the material coming to about mid thigh on the left hand side. Sirius handed me a pair of strappy black heels and a long velvety black cloak to finish. Remus paid and we were off to the Hogshead for a couple of large Fire whiskeys.

At half past five, we headed back. I had told them all about the prank. They laughed and joked and kindly informed me that Colin had taken lots of pictures before he was caught. So all in all, if I was going down, well then so was Severus.

"So, how did they actually get out then?" I asked Remus, as we approached the door to the castle.

"We played tonsil hockey, Miss Granger." said Minerva.

I froze, spun on the spot and looked upwards. She appeared calm, but as we all know, appearances can be deceptive.

So I said the first thing that came to mind, "Snape planned it all."

"Right. I'll get him for this. Thank you for telling me, Hermione, dear. Remus. Sirius" she nodded as she left.

"Poor Bastard. Oh well." I said and with that flounced off to the library to catch Colin and hex him into oblivion for ratting me out. Of course, that's after I get the photos. Cue evil grin. The sounds of Remus's and Sirius's laughter spurring me on.


	22. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Vswimming12 does all the brilliant Englishy things to make it legible.

Monday dawned bright and early. The bright, white light of glistening snow hit my eye balls and burning pain bloomed in my head.

Who the hell thought it would be a brilliant idea to stick windows in the dungeons? What moron thought that up? I'd like it meet them and burn their eye sockets out.

Tonight was the Yule Ball. The students were informed last night that all classes would finish early, meaning that all the boys, Ginny and I, had was double Potions.

Oh, what fun! He's going to kill me for sure. Jesus! Like I may have accidentally told Minerva a teeny, weenie, little white lie about Severus being the mastermind behind her and Filch's love fest. Heehee! It's not like I told her that Snape wanted her babies or anything. People can be sooooo dramatic.

Like, take for instants our lovely Potions professor. He enters a room by banging the door open and billowing up to were he wants to either stand or sit. This, my friends, is a dramatic entrance. But people, he goes over the top when he proceeds to intimidate the living shit out of people.

Like I said, WAY over the top!

Any who, while were all heading down to Potions, I'm scared out of my mind and the others are laughing about it. It is not funny. I'll be dead in a few minutes and their laughing at my demise. Some friends!

Maybe I shouldn't have told Minerva that itty, bitty, lie. Oh, god! Time to face the music.

We all walk in and take our seats. Severus is already sitting up at his desk. His eye's never leaving me. Not a word is said. All he does is flick his wrist towards the board and the required potion to brew appears.

While adding the mint to my sober up solution, I glance towards Severus desk, only he wasn't there. He was stood next to Neville. I quickly looked back to my potion so as to not draw unwanted attention to myself.

I might be a Gryffindor but I know all about self preservation. I wonder, has Minerva caught up with him yet? He appears to be intact. All limbs accounted for at least. Or what I can see of them.

What the hell is that awful smell? Why are my robes wet?

Oh god, he didn't. Did he?

"NEVILLE!" I screamed, as my robes began to disintegrate.

"I'm sorry Hermione. I don't know what went wrong." he said as he desperately tried to shield me from the other student's eyes. All that covered me was my green lacy boy shorts and matching green lacy bra.

"Out everyone." screamed Severus, as he swept around the table and wrapped me in his robes. The laughter rung throughout the dungeon classroom as Severus bundled me into his office, slamming the door behind him.

To make matters worse, the potion was starting to eat away my underwear underneath Severus' robe.

I was mortified, but seeing as how Severus wanted his robe back, I'd have to tell him.

I turned round to tell when the most ludicrous sight met my eyes. Severus was doubled over against the door laughing hysterically. Tears were running down his cheeks, he was laughing so hard.

"Hahahaaaa…you should see your face…ahahhaaaa!" laughed Snape.

"That will teach you not to tattle…ahahhaaaa!".

"You mean to tell me that this was all you're doing?" I said in a deadly voice.

He nodded and smiled, thinking it was amusing.

I snapped. "YOU BASTARD! You humiliated me!" I screamed. "Dobby!" I yelled.

Crack!

"Yes miss, how can Dobby's be of services, miss?" asked Dobby.

"Can you bring me some jeans and a t shirt Dobby?" I asked and with a crack Dobby was gone and back again with said items of clothing.

"Here's you are miss." said Dobby as he popped away.

I stripped off Snape's robe, turned my back to him and shimmed into my jeans. Silence descended immediately, as I gave Snape a perfect naked rear view.

I pulled on the t shirt, thrust the robe at Snape and stormed out of his office and classroom, leaving a stunned and very horny Potions master behind me.

Just wait until this evening. He'll pay for that. Poor Neville wasn't even in the wrong, and I yelled at him. As I stormed my way up to Gryffindor Tower, I stopped by some firsties and told them a little secret concerning our dear greasy bat of the dungeons. I told them that they really should ask him what his plan is for humanity as; after all he is the voice of Merlin. And as we all know Merlin's word is law.

First years sufficiently scared, I carried on and headed up to meet Ginny to get ready for the Christmas Ball. Not realizing that Minerva had indeed extracted her revenge and that all would be revealed come midnight.

Sorry for the wait everybody. my life has got so busy. uni starting soon and family traumas and holidays got in the way of this. please feel free to send flamers of shame upon my tardy updating schedule.


	23. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I don't own it. I just own the plot and vswimming12 beta's this for me. Forgot to mention that the last chapter was dedicated to Her Royal Goddess.

Now on with the pranking…

A couple of hours later, Ginny, Luna, Lavender, and I were heading down to meet the boys, who were waiting in the entrance hall. Ginny accepted the arm of Harry. Lavender accepted Ron's arm, Luna accepted Neville's and I accepted Draco's.

"Wow" said Draco, "You look absolutely gorgeous."

"Thanks Dray. You don't look so bad yourself." I said.

We all laughed and entered the Great Hall. Before I had left the Tower with the girls, I had shrunk Remus's and Sirius's Christmas presents and concealed them in my bra. I planned to give them to them at midnight. It wasn't their real presents, but a gag. A joke, but of course they wouldn't know that. Heehee!

The Great Hall was decorated in reds, greens, golds and silvers. It was a magnificent sight to behold. We grabbed a table and waited for the feast to begin and everyone to find their seats.

Half an hour later, we were still waiting. Only this time it was for our dear Transfiguration and Potion's professors. The headmaster insisted that we wait for them, even though they were running extremely late.

Another five minutes passed before the door to the staff entrance opened and in came an extremely happy Minerva McGonagall and a seriously pissed off Severus Snape.

But that's not what caused the major shock and gasping. No! It's the fact that the most feared and despised professor of all time was BLUE SMURF!

Not a trace of black anywhere on his body. He was wearing white boots, a white trouser, and a white pointy hat.

But the thing that shocked me and most of the girls present was his blue torso and well defined six pack. It was positively drool worthy.

What caused the silence to be broken were the hearty laughs of Albus, Sirius, Remus and Filtch.

"He's got a little blue bunny tail!" cried Sirius in between gasps for breath.

This broke the tension and caused the rest of the Great Hall to follow the example of the others.

Snape looked furious, but sat down and started to eat.

"I wonder how long he's stuck like that?" I asked Draco.

"Hope its a few days so I can get a picture and send it to mum." he said.

"Me too," said Ron around a mouthful of food.

The meal passed quickly between largely speculating and joking around at Snape's expense, but it was worth it.

Finally it was time for the Ball to begin. Draco led me out onto the floor, followed by our friends. Albus and Minerva joined us, as the music began.

As Draco spun me around the dance floor, I grinned and thought of the likely reactions I'd get from Sirius and Remus later tonight.

"What you grinning at?" asked Draco.

"Oh nothing!" I said. "I wonder if there'll be fireworks later on?"

"Of course. When is there not. You know as well as I do that the headmaster goes all out for these balls and get togethers." he said as he tilted me further over his arm.

"Eye's up here Dray." I say as I catch him yet again, staring down at my cleavage.

"It's not my fault that your dress diverts my attention to your boobs. Their literally calling out to be watched." he groaned.

"Hahahaaaa. . . Not funny Dray." I say as the music for the third dance ends.

"Excuse me Mr. Malfoy, may I cut in?" says Severus, as he takes my hand and led's me into a secluded corner.

"Miss Granger, would you care to explain why I am the only one who is a smurf here?" Sevy asks.

"Well maybe you mistake this for a Halloween ball instead of a Christm " was all I got out before he slapped a hand over my mouth.

"Don't you dare say it. Don't you dare!" he said. His voice filled with venom. "Try again, Miss Granger."

"Because I told Minerva it was all your idea and I had nothing to do with it and that I'd only helped you because you threatened me with candy." I mumbled. Praying to Merlin that he hadn't heard a word I'd just said. "Well Miss Granger, what have you to say for yourself?"

"Ummm…..Sorry." I said and jumped on him, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging the life out of him. "Sorry." I said again, as I let go.

"Fine! Now transfigure me some dress robes." he said. I nodded and transfigured his white trousers into a black dinner coat with tails and a black dress trouser. And changed the color of his boots to black.

"Is there nothing that will work on you skin?" I questioned him.

"No. Minerva made sure it would last until Christmas day." he said as he took my hand and led me back out onto the dance floor.

Still to come the midnight gifts to Sirius and Remus. . .


	24. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Vswimming12 makes this readable, thanks to her brilliant English skills and amazing patience with me. Love ya. P.S if anyone is willing to do art for this story, please let me know.

Christmas Ball continued…

I danced the rest of the night away with Severus, but also had a dance each with Ron, Harry, Neville, Remus, Sirius, and Hagrid. Severus sat down while this happened. Refusing to dance with anybody else, save for Madam Hooch and Poppy.

It was amusing to watch him sulk in a corner, while the lads swing me 'round the dance floor. It was a few minutes to midnight, so I excused myself from Neville and headed over to Severus.

"Remembered me did you?" he sneered.

"Of course. How could I forget such a face," I said while trying not to crack up at the face he was pulling. "I know something that will cheer you up. Follow me." I said as I held out my hand.

He ignored it, but followed all the same. "Sirius, Remus. Get over here. I have something for you. It's your Christmas presents." Like flash they were at my side, hands out, with wide innocent eyes.

"You pulled me over here to watch you give out Christmas presents to these two dunderheads?" exclaimed Severus. "Yep," I replied as I turned towards Severus' chest. Catching his eye, I slid my hand down inside the front of my dress, grabbing the presents and slowly retracting it. It was funny how quickly his normally serious and strict façade was gone.

"Here you are, Remus," I said as I turned back around to the two men, leaving Severus' jaw hanging open. "And you Sirius. The only thing is that you have to open them right now and not on Christmas morning." I say as they begin to unwrap said presents.

Sirius was the first to unwrap his present. As soon as the wrapping was removed it jumped, and attached itself onto his neck.

It was a bright green flea collar, with silver paw prints embedded into it.

I thought it looked smashing. It was a real crowd pleaser, or so I thought.

The stunned silence finished abruptly when Severus started a sort of snort/sod/laugh right from the gut.

This started everyone else off, not because of Sirius, but because of the absurd, spectacle the potions master was making of himself.

"Well Remus. Let's see what you got!" said Sirius, who by this stage had given up struggling to remove the collar. Which as it happens, had a hex that tightened it every time someone tired to remove it.

Remus tore off the wrapping and began to read the label on the bottle aloud.

"Have you got an itchy problem….than look no further….it's mutts best friend…..flea free shampoo….it will have them fleeing away in no time!" "Erm, Hermione, thanks but…well. How did you know?" Remus asked.

I froze, screamed, and promptly fled with half the girls on my heels.

Half way up the second floor staircase, it dawned on me that it could possible be Remus' revenge. I started to head back down the stairs and sure enough I could here the gales of laughter coming from the Great Hall.

I stopped, pulled out my wand and transfigured a scrap of tinsel into a pump and spray can for flea extermination. Spray can in hand I stormed back into the Great Hall, all guns blazing. Or in this case all pump n' spray cans blazing.

"Let it be known that no one messes with the know it all," I screamed as I drenched Remus and Sirius in flea control. Severus joined in and together we cured Hogwarts of fleas.

Unfortunately, it turns out that Sirius was allergic, and so ended up in the hospital wing for the rest of the night, while I was escorted down to the dungeons to receive my new detention schedule for after the Yule holiday.


	25. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Vswimming12 beta's this for mess. And doesn't she do the best job people? WELL?

On with the story…

The next morning, nearly all of the students had left for their homes or to their friend's homes for the Christmas holidays. Gryffindor Tower was empty, as was Ravenclaw and Slytherin. The only other student to remain was Ernie McMillan and Cathy Nelly from Hufflepuff.

I had lied to Harry, Ron, Ginny and Draco last night when I told them I was going home via flu powder from The Three Broomsticks. I wasn't going home at all. I have no home to go to. Well, not anymore. I got up early to send their Christmas presents, along with Severus' and the rest of the staff.

No one knows that I'm still here, and I want to keep it that way. So instead of heading down to the Great Hall for Christmas Eve meals, I stayed in my room and asked Dobby for my meals to be brought to me, and to keep it between us. He agreed, so I will stay here until night fall and then go for a run around the grounds in my animagus form.

The day passed with me reading and studying for my NEWT's and the occasionally crack from Dobby, with my meals.

At five minutes to midnight, I packed away my books and headed out and down to the castle grounds. I took care as I made my way down to the Entrance Hall.

Using the secret passageways to get to the main door. Twice I had to stop and slam up a disillusionment charm to escape detection by Mrs. Norris and Filch. I kept them up after the last encounter and was just passing the entrance to the Great Hall when Severus and Remus exited, nearly banging straight into the invisible me.

I darted out of the way just in time. Remus' eyes followed my direction, I was caught. He could smell me and sense that I was there. I was sure of it. Any minute now he's going to counter my charm. I held my breath and waited. Making myself as small a target as possible by hugging tight to the entrance hall wall.

Remus leaned over and whispered something in Severus' ear. They continued on walking down the corridor and around the corner.

I heaved a sigh of relief and continued on towards the door. Opened it and headed for the forbidden forest. Keeping to the shadows, I finally made it.

I finite'd the charm and got ready to transform. I stretched out my back muscles and began to transform. A few seconds later I was in my panther form. I arched my back again and took off at a graceful lope around the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

Passing behind Hagrid's cabin and around the pumpkin patch, I caught a whiff of something strange. I followed the scent deeper into the forest. Nose to the ground I didn't see, hear, or smell him until I bumped into him.

Something pounced onto my back, causing me to be pinned to the ground and at eye level with Severus' hairy black paws. The fool that I was, having followed his scent and wacked into him, after only just avoiding him and Remus in the Entrance Hall.

"Care to explain, Hermione?" asked Remus, as he removed himself from my back.

"Ehhh…I'm not this Hermione person, you speak of. I'm Kasha, daughter of Clearo and Naroie." I said, praying to god that they'd believe me.

Unfortunately, I realized it was to late, they both knew my scent by heart and my tell tale white marking on my chest and right front paw.


	26. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Disclaimer: don't own it.

Vswimming12 is the best beta in the world.

"Nice try Hermione. We'd know your scent anywhere. Let's head back to the castle and you can explain it to us there. Remus, my quarters are closer and Albus gave me some of that oak matured mead. What about it?" asked Severus.

I just followed along as Remus nodded his head in agreement. We arrived at Severus' quarters quicker then I thought possible. We changed back and sat down in his sitting room. Severus, in his winged backed armchair on one side of the fire and Remus, on the other one, while I sat on the sofa which was facing the roaring fire.

I stared unseeing at the fire. Watching the flames lick at the logs, causing them to hiss and crack as they burned.

I jumped when Severus nudged my hand with a glass of mead. I took it and tried to focus on the situation at hand instead of memories from the past.

"I couldn't go home. I told the others I was flooing home from the Three Broomsticks, but I was really just staying here for the Christmas holidays. I didn't want their pity or to put them out. It's a time for family, and I'm not. I just wanted to spend my last Christmas at Hogwarts on my own. That's why I didn't tell anyone," I said and took a sip of the mead.

"You could have stayed with me," said Remus. I looked up and into his brown eyes and felt the guilt and hurt wash over me. I had disappointed him and yet he forgave me.

I glanced up at Severus from under my eyelashes and could see the understanding in his face.

"I'm sorry," I said and took another sip of mead. "Well that's enough. You'll stay with me for the remainder of the holiday. I believe you should be going Remus. It's late and I'd like to keep some of my stores of mead for myself," said Severus, as he rose from his chair to show Remus out.

I leaned back on the sofa and closed my eyes and placed my hand over them. I was tired and stressed out. I didn't think it was such a good idea for me to stay with Severus. I wanted to be alone and reflect on my memories of my mother.

It hurts to think about her, but I miss her so much. Life just hasn't been the same. Dad hasn't been the same.

I jumped when I felt a hand pulling at my arm to remove it from my face. I let him. I never heard him re enter the sitting room.

He gently caressed my cheek with this thumb. Tracing a line from the corner of my brow down to my lips. I heaved a sigh and opened my eyes. I stared up at the ceiling, watching the light play against it.

I turned my head sideways and looked at him. His mask was down and his eyes were filled with concern. He looked both very tired and lonely. I smiled and curled up into his chest, wrapping my arms around him.

He wrapped me in his arms and buried his nose into my hair. I was content.

Millie, the house elf, popped in and deposited my bag beside us and popped back out again. "You really want me to stay?" I said.

"Yes," was all he said. I nodded and extracted myself from his arms. "I need to get changed. Can I use your bathroom?" I inquired as I moved to pick up my bag of clothes.

He nodded, got up and took my hand, pulling me towards his bathroom. I went in, and got changed into my pajamas as he did the same in his room.

After brushing my teeth, I exited the bathroom only to be met with a mouth watering sight…


	27. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Disclaimer: I don't own it. I just toy with the characters lives and they hate me for it. Vswimming12 is the best beta in the galaxy. lol.

His pale muscular chest was in full view. I watched as his chest came towards me. A trail of black hair tempting me as it traveled from his navel to underneath his cotton sweats. My mouth was dry, and I started to back away from him as he came closer.

He kept coming towards me and I kept backing away until I bumped into the end of the hallway. I swallowed hard as I tried to dart around him to escape. Unfortunately for me, I just wasn't quick enough. He grabbed me and trapped me against the wall. He pinned me with his body, his arms holding mine captive above my head.

I wriggled and tried to free myself, but it was no use. He was too strong for me. He shifted his hips slightly to relieve the pressure building in his groin and in doing so pushed his erection straight in between my open thighs.

"Ssssssss," I hissed as he pressed hard into me. I bucked my hips and moaned at the friction it was causing.

"Stop Mia", he said. I stopped struggling. I calmed my breathing and regained my senses.

"Why?" he asked. "Why what?" I said.

"Why did you back away? You were staring and backing away at the same time," He said.

"I don't know. I didn't …I don't know, okay?" I said as I tried to push passed him. He pinned me back against the wall. "Tell me," he hissed.

Warning bells sounded in my head and I obeyed without thought. It was an instinct from my father. Whenever he hissed something my self preservation kicked in and obeyed without thought for fear of punishment.

"Because a memory of my father and …" I trailed off. The realization of what I almost told him sunk in. I'd already told him too much thanks to his prying mind.

He wrapped his arms around me and said, "I'm sorry. I should have realized how that would look. Come to bed," And I did. We walked to his bedroom with his arm slung over my shoulders and my arm wrapped around his waist.

His bedroom was done in dark oak and chocolate browns. I loved it as my favorite wood is oak and color is brown.

His bedspread was a honey brown, "The same color as your eyes", he said.

It was well furnished and a good sized room. But what attracted my attention the most was the large king sized bed, in the center of the room.

"It doesn't bite, I swear," said Severus.

"I know. I'm… ahh…just getting a feel for it," I said.

"Whatever you say," he said as he climbed in under the cover and rolled onto his side facing the opposite side, waiting and watching me.

"Oh my god….ahhhhhhhhh….it's eating me." He screamed as he rolled down under the covers, making me jump from all the wailing he was doing.

I flipped him the birdie and climbed in, all the while trying to not show my amusement of his carrying on.

He tossed his arm around my waist and spooned me from behind. I felt warm and safe for the first time in a long time. I cuddle closer and let out a contented sigh.

Sleep found us quickly, and our dreams where anything but pleasant. We tossed and turned all night. Neither of us aware that we were both being plagued by the same dream.

Lust and passion are cruel to those who are in love. They left us wanting and desiring more now than ever.


	28. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot. The wonderful and incredible Vswimming12 beta's this. Lol.

We awoke the next morning, both horny and heavy. The carnal dreams had caused not only me to cum in my sleep, but also Severus. My body was still crying out for release and Severus' erection that was digging into my ass wasn't helping matters.

I could tell he was awake even though he was pretending otherwise. He just didn't want to face me yet. I turned in his arms and gazed at his face. It was peaceful except for the crease in his brow. I reached up and flattened it. Tracing my fingers across his brow and down his cheek, I memorized the outline and texture of his skin. His eyes fluttered open when I traced the outline of his lips. I gazed into his eyes. Those dark orbs swallowing me whole, sucking me into the great abyss of his soul.

"Good morning," he said.

"Good morning to you too," I giggled. I rolled over and scrambled out of bed and headed for the shower. I could hear Severus groan from across the room as I changed.

I walked out of the bathroom and walked straight into Severus. I reached up and snogged the face off him. He looked stunned. I giggled and said, "You take yourself way to seriously man," smacked his cheek and ran like a bat outta hell from the dungeons.

I wandered around the first floor wondering how long it would take Severus to calm down. Hahahaaaa! I really shouldn't piss him off seeing as I'm staying with him for the duration of the holidays. Oh well, too late now! Why does common sense kick in after I've done something?

I head up the staircase and head to the nearest classroom. I unlock the door and enter closing and locking it behind me. Casting a quick glance around, I situate myself on the teacher's desk and summon some parchment, quill and ink.

It was time to design a plan of action to continue my pranks and yet keep building a relationship with Sev. Hard work, I can tell you! Still it would be easy enough so long as Sev keeps retaliating and so long as I occasionally prank someone else for his amusement. "See it will work out, ha! Oh god I'm talking to myself again, not good. You know people say that the first sign of madness is when one starts to talk to onese 'BANG'ahhhhhhhhh. What the fuck?"

Remus crashed through the door and Sirius swanned in after him, not even bothering to close the door after himself.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Is it that time of the month, Remus?" I screamed. Of course I hadn't seen Severus following them in after a few moments. He was now currently propped against a wall choking on his own laughter. I took out my bottle of Gryffindor courage and took a slug.

"Hermione, what the hell do you think your doing? Alcohol is not permitted by students!" said Snapekinns. "It's not alcohol it's clearly labeled Gryffindor courage. I have no idea where you got that silly billy notion from," I giggled.

Remus picked it up and sniffed it. "Hermione, it's Firewhiskey". "NO, NO, NO, NO, no, no, no. It's not!" I screamed and grabbed the bottle, clutching it protectively to my chest. I was trying really hard not to burst out laughing the faces they where making. They thought I had finally gone off my rocker.

I cracked. A massive attack of the giggles came over me as Sirius started to look really concerned for my mental state. "OH

…..haahaaa….you….haahaa…should….haahaa…see your...aahhhhhhahh…your...haahaa…faces…ahhh ahh," I managed to finally get out.

Severus made a drive towards me. Instinctively I side stepped straight into the desk which knocked me off balance causing me to drop my Gryffindor courage. Talk about irony.

Sorry for the long wait. Life has been tough not only with college, but also with family illness. Will update again when I get a chance. Thank you for reading. Enjoy. xxx


	29. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Sorry for the long delay everyone. Life just got really complicated what with college and family troubles and illnesses. Updates are going to be spaced out and far apart for a month or two till Christmas. Sorry again. xxx

"I suppose you came for your presents," I said as I looked at the smashed bottle. I waved my hand and it disappeared. "Well let's go get them," I said cheerily as I led the three of them back down to Severus' rooms.

Upon entering the room, I crawled under the Christmas tree and pulled out three wrapped Christmas presents, handing one each to Severus, Sirius, and Remus. Remus and Sirius both pulled out gifts for both Severus and I and left with their still wrapped presents.

I smiled as Severus began to unwrap his present. He looked like a little kid again. The wonder and amazement was clear on his face. It was heart breaking to think that as a child he never got to have this.

"Merlin's balls, Mia! This must have cost you a fortune," said Severus as he finally opens the box. Inside rested four silver capped and encrusted crystal potion vials, along with two vials of dragon's blood and three vials filled with basilisk venom and one vial filled with unicorn's blood, willingly given.

I just smiled and placed a kiss on his astonished cheek. He grabbed me as I was pulling away and slammed his lips to mine. Demanding, he took over complete control of my mouth. Our tongues battled for dominance for awhile until I surrendered myself to him.

We parted when the need for air became apparent from our red faces. I smiled as Severus handed me a wrapped Christmas present. He turned me away and wrapped his arms around me. His clasped hands resting on my stomach. "Open it," he whispered in my ear. His breath caused me to shiver.

I undid the green bow on the present and peeled of the silver and gold wrapping paper. Inside was another box. I lifted the lid and nearly dropped the box in shock.

A silver black panther necklace was staring out at me. Its eyes had green and red rubies and diamonds in them. Beside the necklace on the right was a pair of beautiful black cut diamond earrings and to the left of the necklace laid a silver bracelet with the imprint of a black panther on the inside.

It was breath taking. All of it must have cost a small fortune. Severus's fingers traced the outline of the necklace, bracelet and earrings and said, "Do you like them?"

"Yes," was all I managed to say in a breathless voice.

"Good," he said as he reached into the box and pulled out the necklace. He lifted my hair aside and did up the clasp. Next he took my left arm and placed the bracelet on it. Last but by no means least, he placed the earrings on me.

I smiled. "If at anytime you are in danger and you are wearing one of these pieces, no harm will come to you. And I will be alerted instantly," he said. I turned in his arms and kissed him again. It was long and lingering. It showed him all of the emotions I couldn't possible describe to him.

Please review. And thank you to all of you who have already. xxx


	30. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Disclaimer: I don't own it. I just play around with J.K Rowling's characters. Heehee! Sorry for the long wait and delay but college and life have been playing havoc again. And trust me when I say I'm really sorry. I hate it when a writer suddenly doesn't't update for ages too. Anyway here

goes…

Time passed too quickly for all at the castle at Christmas. The students where back and classes had begun again; potions was the first lesson of the day and a double at that. Hermione smiled at Harry and Ron across the breakfast table in the Great Hall.

"Isn't today's classes the best?" I said as Ron wolfed down his third helping of blueberry pancakes.

"Why? What are you planning, Hermione?" asked Harry. God, he was getting too perceptive.

"Nothing. I just love potions, Harry" I said as I smiled innocently up at the head table. Now if only I could decide on what to do, I'd be all set.

And then it hit me as I watched Ron shovel his last mouthful of food into the endless pit he calls a mouth.

"Attention please," I cried as I placed a quick sonorous charm on myself. "Today is a National Hug a Snarky Git Day. Or as wizards in the U.S. like to call it 'Hug a Snape Day'." Complete silence followed my last sentence.

Albus rose from his seat and then proceeded to wrap his arms around Snape and embrace him. Needless to say, Snape explode. "GRANGER! When I get my hands on you I'll…" of course I never found out the end of that threat as Albus' robes smothered out the words as he gripped the professor tighter.

"Now I believe the rest of the staff should form a queue," and so they did much to the hilarity of the whole student body.

Sirius and Remus where the first up after the headmaster both fighting over who'd be first to as they put it, 'hug the big dungbat'.

Of course Snakiepoo tried to leave so I accidentally stuck him to his chair. Heehee! All for his own good you see. Both Sirius and Remus where still fighting over who should go first so I thought I'd teach them both a lesson about sharing.

With a snap of my wrist they were sharing, only I hadn't really thought it through.

Thanks for reading. Please review. xxx


	31. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Now on with the story…

That is to say, I forgot to specify whom. Although I must say, they all looked good in Severus' robe. It's just a pity that they are wearing nothing else. Dirty boys. All sharing one robe. Have they no decency? There are children here. I don't think we want to see them half naked at this hour in the morning. Well not Harry or Ron for that matter.

Who knew they had such a weak stomach. I'd conjured up some popcorn to enjoy the show. Or would it be classified as a peep show. Heehee!

Anywho, by the time they'd figured out how to reverse the charm. Sirius had hugged and kissed Severus 17 times and Remus had 12 times, much to the delight of the staff and student body. Colin was documenting the whole thing via his trusty camera.

I'd already placed my order in for 60 poster size copies. What to do with them, I had yet to figure out. The crowd was slowly being dispersed by McGonagall as the last of the staff members gave Snakiedinns his cuddle.

I scuttled on out of there before he could catch me and headed down to potions with Harry and Ron, both of which were looking slightly green around the gills. Heehee!

We all waited outside the potions classroom, some still tittering about what happened in the Great Hall, but most we're frightened; and they had every right to be. I had surely disturbed the hornets' nest. Oh well! You only live once, or so I'm told repeatedly by Harry and Ron when they want me to go on one of their stupid little adventures. BOYS! Gurrrrr! And now look at them. Shaking in their boots over an itty bitty potions master. HA!

BANG! The classroom door flew open. "IN!" boomed Snape a doodles. "Yes sir," I saluted as I walked in to meet my fate.

That's it folks till next time. Please


	32. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. A big thank you to my wonderful beta for doing such a fantastic job. Xxx

"Complete the potion that is on the board and I want complete and utter silence. BEGIN," ordered Snape. I don't know what made me to do. It was like evil Hermione possessed me and made me.

"Yes sir!" I said as I snapped to attention and saluted him again. I bent to my work and was just about to light the flame under my cauldron when I felt the strangest prickling sensation all over my body. I felt as though all control was leaving my body. That my mind was not the only one at work.

"Miss Granger, did you just speak after I pacifically just said not too?" he asked in that smooth velvet voice of his. And then I realized my mistake. I had pushed him too far.

"Yessssssssssss sir," I moaned as the sensations headed south. The bastard, I'll kill him for this.

"What was that Miss Granger? I didn't catch that."

He smirked. Damn him! Damn him to hell! His eyes connected to mine and I could feel him pressing against my walls. I let him enter my mind. 'Revenge. I warned you not to play this game' he said. 'You bastard. This isn't funny. You just want to watch me cum. Ha!' I said.

I shook with the effort of controlling my body. I would not give him the satisfaction or would I?

"Oh sir. It feels soooo good. Your voice is such a turn on," I moaned. Heehee! Let's see what he makes of this.

"Oh Merlin, and your nose. Yummy!" I said in sultry tones. By this stage the whole class was tittering behind their cauldrons. Ron and Harry just looked plain disgusted.

"Yes, Oh, Merlin yes. Stare at me with those big black pools of burnt toast," Roars of laughter met this statement and the spell ended as Snape looked at me with death in his eyes.

"I think it's time to run, 'Mione," said Neville. I agree. And so I legged it into the store room and locked and warded it behind me.

SHIT! I'm trapped.

Thanks for reading, please review. Oh, and if you don't like, don't read it.


	33. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Thanks to all who have reviewed. On with the story…

I could hear Snape growling at my fellow classmates to leave now or receive a years' worth of detentions. "Cowards!" I screamed as I heard them all run for their lives. What about me, who would save me from the evil dungeon bat.

"Hermione…oh Hermione…come out" he sang. "Nice try Bat brains" I chuckled. Why, oh why did I have to open my big mouth? It was now impossible for me to escape from this encounter intact and in one piece.

"You know I won't hurt you, Mione. I just want to chat about your behaviour is all" he said through the crack in the door.

"And I want to dance the cha cha but you don't see me complaining" I yelled through the door. I turned around and examined the rows, upon rows of potion ingredients, wondering would any help me in an escape.

It was so dark and cramped in here. The air smelt of potion ingredients and a slight musk. There was only one way out of the room and that was through the door that I had come through and slammed as many wards as I could in under a minute.

There was something gold on the top shelf on the left hand side that had caught my eye when I turned around to the opposite shelf. I approached and stretched up onto my tippy toes and craned my neck and arm to reach it. I nearly had it when I felt my final set of wards being breached. I grabbed and turned just as the door slammed open.

"You have no where left to run, Miss Granger." he said. His voice was thick with tension, anger and was that a hint of….lust? I smiled and shook my head. "Why pray tell are you shaking your head? I have you trapped." he said in what I assume to be a humorous tone, as he descended upon me. My back was pressed against the shelves by this point, yet I wasn't afraid. I smiled again and whispered, "That's what you think", and popped the lid on the jar and flung the contents up into the air.

I'm sssssssssoooooooooooooooooooo Sorry for the long wait. Please forgive me. Life has been hectic what with my mother's treatment, end of year finals for uni and working to keep food on the table, this story ad to take a backseat. I promise I will not leave it so long next time. Sorry again… Heehee. x


	34. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. A Big thanks to my beta for the wonderful job that she does. Now on with the story...

Darkness was instant! I fled from the storeroom and into Snape's classroom. I had less than ten seconds to decide on where to go before Snape would emerge from his storeroom. After all there was barely a pinch of the instant darkness Peruvian powder left.

I wonder what he was doing with it anyway. Note to self: remember to ask the twins why they sold it to the great ding bat. I chose to race into his private quarters and hide. I looked around and spotted a curtain that was big and long enough to hide me. I ran for it.

I could hear Sevvie in the next room muttering and cursing and then, "I know your hear somewhere Miss Granger. My wards on the classroom door are untouched. I will find you" he said. I listened as he searched his classroom, office and finally he entered his rooms.

"Be warned, if you do not come out now. There will be hell to pay" he growled. I gulped and felt the knot of fear and excitement, tighten in my stomach.

It was silent except for both our breathing. I wondered what he was doing but didn't dare take a look. I rather liked having my head attached. I could hear Ron and Harry now. 'Go on 'Mione just take a peek'. Not bloody likely. And then I felt it. A wave of magic passed over/through me. I was speechless. The bastard cheated!

What felt like a second later, the curtain was ripped back and Snape had me pressed against the wall. His body pressed firmly against mine. I felt like I couldn't breathe. The tension that was coming off him was too much; I started to fight against his hold.

"Stop!" he bit out. Surprisingly I didn't. Ha! The hell with him, he was crowding my personal space and I told him as much as I tried yet again to wriggle out of his hold.

He grabbed both my hands in one of his and grabbed my face with the other. Forcing me to look at him, he clashed his lips with mine. It silenced me and stopped me instantly.

The minute I stopped moving he released my mouth. "Now Miss Granger. I think a visit to Dumbledore might straighten you out" he whispered in an amused voice.

I groaned and shot him my most evilest of grins. "Of course sir. Lead the way" I said as he turned and marched out of the room.

Sorry but that's all for now folks. Lots of work to do. Will update soon. x


	35. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except this laptop…Heehee…a big thanks to my beta and a massive thanks to the people who read this dribble… haahaa…Now on with the story….hope you enjoy...xxx

I smiled again and followed. We exited the classroom after Sevvie took down the wards and unlocked and relocked the door after us. He swept towards the stairs as I prepared myself for my Hogwarts debute. Heehee! I cleared my throat as a group of students passed us and looked at me with sympathy. I smiled and winked.

It was time. We had reached the top of the stairs. The doors to the Great Hall where open and students were milling about both inside and out. Thus it was the perfect time. I started to hum softly.

We're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.

If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because, Because, because, because, because, because.

Because of the wonderful things he does.

We're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

I started to sing a bit louder.

We're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.

If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because, Because, because, because, because, because.

Because of the wonderful things he does.

We're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

And then gave up on the quiet and really belted it out.

We're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.

If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because, Because, because, because, because, because.

Because of the wonderful things he does.

We're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

Snape whirled around. His face was a lobster red. I smiled and stopped. He spun around and continued on. I grinned and began again this time skipping to keep alongside Sevvie poo.

"Shut up" he bellowed. I stopped and when he continued on, I began again. Grinning madly and skipping all the way. We finally arrived at the gargoyle guarding the headmaster's office and Sevvie said the password which was 'ice mice'.

I noticed two flights of stair back that Sevvie had developed an eye twitch. I think he really enjoys my singing and then maybe not. I smiled and continued to sing all the way up the stairs and into the Headmaster's office.

"You will not sing 'we're off to see the wizard' when heading to the Headmaster's office to be punished" Snape roared.

Dumbledore chuckled from behind his desk and Snape turned and glared at him. "Do not encourage her, Albus." I smiled innocently and both Snape and Dumbledore.

"Why Severus, I rather enjoy Miss Granger's songs and I especially like the one from the wizard of oz. How did you know that it was a favourite of mine?" enquired Dumbledore as his twinkling eyes turned to look at me.

"A lucky guess" I said as I beamed at him. "Enough" roared Sevvie and continued on to describe my misconduct and why I should be punished.

Dumbledore nodded and remained silent all through Sevvie's tale and a few minutes after he was finished before declaring that my punishment would start at 8 o clock tonight.

I was horrified and Sevvie poo was smirking until he heard the rest of Dumbledore's speech. "And I believe that detention with Severus here for two weeks shall be punishment enough" he finished and smiled and waved us out of his office.

I smiled grimly and left followed swiftly by Sevvie. I smiled and said, "See you later Batman" and fled before he could deduct anymore points from Gryffindor.

Thanks for reading. That's all for now. Hoping to update soon... xxx


	36. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. A big thanks to all who read this and to my wonderful beta for putting up with my dreadful grammar and spellings. Now on with the tale…

The evening flew in and before I knew it, it was time to head down to the dungeons for my detention. I had told the boys at dinner what had happened after they had left and also the drama up in Dumbledore's office. They had seen me singing and skipping so I didn't need to fill them in on that part.

Lucky for me, Colin caught it all on his camera. I demanded first purchase which he agreed to straight away. I smiled as I made my way down to the bowels of hell. And people call me dramatic. Ha! If they only knew.

I knocked and entered without invitation, ready to face the serpent's rath only to find the dimly lit classroom empty. It was deathly quiet except for the bubbling cauldron that was on Snape's desk. A golden glow came from the potion and naturally curiosity got the best of me. I approached the potion cautiously, listening out for Snape's arrival. It was 'liquid luck' or 'Felix Felicis', to give it its proper name.

"Tempting isn't it?" whispered Snape. I jumped about a foot into the air and whirled around, causing the potion to go flying into the air.

Time seemed to slow to a snail's pace. I whirled back around and used wandless magic to catch both cauldron and potion before either could hit the floor and set them back onto the desk. I sighed in relief and whirled around to smack Snape only to find him to close to me. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me further into his embrace.

I closed my eyes and smiled, as I breathed in his unique scent. "You worry me sometimes. You always seem to be too close to danger" he said as he laid his chin on the top of my head.

I giggled and said "By the way, I'm letting you know now that I can't make Saturday's detention". "Why not?" he asked as he slackened his hold on me to look at me fully.

"Because I'm not in the mood for it on Saturday" I said through a fit of giggles. His face was priceless. "Tough luck, Hun. Because if you're not there. I'll find you and drag you here" he said as his fingers danced up and down my spine. I shivered and gasped as he stole a kiss.

"Now start dicing up those roots and add them to the potion." I smiled and got to work.

That's all folks till next time….


	37. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

Two weeks flew past and my detentions with Snape where over for the time being. Today was Monday and therefore we had double potions with my dear Sevvie cakes. All during breakfast Harry and Ronald were hassling me for what I was going to do next or when I was going to play another prank and on whom. Honestly, those two are the biggest pain in the arses this world has yet to witness. I ignored them all the way through breakfast and all the way down to the dungeons where thankfully, they finally shut up.

I sat down and took out my books, cauldron and ingredients as well as a folder containing documents on life insurance. Little did Harry know that he was involved in my next prank and that in exactly 10 minutes from now, he'd regret bugging me all morning. Mwhahahahaaaaa!

"Silence", bellowed Snape as he entered the classroom. "Today we will be preparing a draft of peace. It is not difficult and consider this revision." The classroom groaned, "And therefore does not require instructions. You will prepare this potion from memory" continued Snape as if he hadn't heard the class.

I quickly got started and reached the half way point in less than 10 minutes as I sped the process up a little with my newly created spell. Heehee! I love magic!

Anyway back to my prank. So I sat down and began to scribble away at the insurance form. I could feel Snapey's eyes on me and yet he didn't draw attention to me. Ha! He probably thought it was a prank for him. God he's sooooooooooo vain!

And then I hit a snag. I didn't understand exactly what this question meant, so I did the natural thing and stuck up my hand.

"Yes Miss Granger, what is it? Surely you aren't having problems with such a simply potion?" asked Snapie poo.

I grinned and shook my head, "No sir, it's just that I don't understand what this question is referring to. You see sir it asks if the insuree would like any funeral arrangements made for them or if they would like to state what they would like. Sir does that mean that I state it or does it mean that Harry has to state it. Who's the insuree?"

"Miss Granger, what on earth are you on about?" asked Snape as he stormed over to my desk.

He took up the documents and read. Silence rained all over the classroom. Harry looked confused and was asking me why I was insuring him. I smiled. I was interrupted from explaining by Snape roaring his head off. At first I thought he was yelling and then realized that he was laughing. "Well Potter", exclaimed Snape, "It seems that Miss Granger here is taking advantage of your good fortune of finding yourself in hot water. She's taking out a life insurance policy on you" he said while chuckling.

"Hermione Granger, I'm going to kill you" screamed Harry.

"Now Harry, just listen to me for a moment. Imagine the money I could make from you" I said while running away from him. He didn't find the funny side to it.

Snape called a halts to our antics. "Now Potter, I think you'll like what she's written. Sit and listen" he said between chuckles.

"How would you describe your lifestyle?... 'Well, I keep fairly fit. I life on the run does wonders for your waist line.' Is there anything that could perhaps decrease your life expectancy?... 'Oh, there was a little matter of the dark lord trying to off me for a while last year but alls good now. Killed him you see', brilliant Miss Granger. Alright class back to work" said Snape while trying to compose himself. I smiled and returned to my potion while casting sidelong looks at Harry. He looked angry but he'd live, mores the pity.

Sorry for the long wait everyone but I'm back now and hoping to update more often. xxx


	38. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Disclaimer: I own noda' thing.

The weeks flew by and now it was the end of January with February fast approaching, career meeting were beginning to take place. Each student from every house was expected to now attend a career meeting every month with Snape and McGonagall. So far I have not had the pleasure unlike Ron, Harry and Draco.

We were all eating breakfast in the Great Hall when a scroll of parchment appeared in front of me. I opened it and what do you know, it was my careers appointment. I was to head to professor McGonagall's office during my free period. Damn it! I really needed to get my charms assignment done. It was due this evening. I can't believe I left it this late. Oh well looks like I'd be skipping lunch to get it done.

I told the boys and they all started to guess what career I wanted to go into. None of them got it. Heehee! Ron of course guessed that I wanted to into the ministry and fight for the rights of house elves. Harry guessed the same but Draco was the only one to hit near the mark with his guess of teaching some subject.

I finished my coffee and grabbed the toast that Draco had just buttered. "Thanks", I said and placed a swift kiss to his forehead. He chuckled as I turned and headed out of the Great Hall.

Professors Snape and McGonagall had left a good fifteen minutes before me. I headed up to McGonagall's office all the while planning to lighten the sombre mood that no doubt would be present in the room.

I knocked and was bade entrance. I sat down in the chair facing both Snape and McGonagall. I smiled and declined the offer of tea.

"So Miss Granger, your career choices if you please?" said Snape. "Hush Severus. Now Hermione dear what would you like to go into my dear?" said McGonagall.

I smiled and said, "Well professors. I've given a lot of thought to the careers I would like to pursue." "Yes dear", said McGonagall. I smiled again and said, "Yes. At first I thought the ministry, to promote elf rights but then I thought a medi witch would be a better use of my brains and then I struck gold as my father would say."

"And what pray tell would that be Miss Granger?" asked Snape. I grinned and said "Why sir it is simply brilliant. I will make a career out of conquering the ministry with an army of flying monkeys!"

Silence met this statement followed by my swift dismissal to the headmaster's office. Snape practically dragged me to Dumbledore. He was literally foaming at the mouth. After explaining what had happened to Dumbledore, who promptly fell about laughing. Snape looked about ready to snap my neck in two.

I was given a week's detention with Filch and banned from mentioning flying monkeys every again. I protested fiercely at the injustice of expressing my career ambition being shot down before I could even explain my theories behind it.

Oh well they'd regret it when I conquered the ministry with my lovely monkeys.

Another chapter over. Hope you like it. Xxx. Sorry for the long wait. Final year in Uni so under a lot of pressure from home and uni.


	39. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my brain and even then I'm not sure.

It was the day before Valentine's Day and there was a restless air about the castle. I had lost count of the amount of couples I had caught in compromising situations. Detentions were being handed out like confetti. Fun for me but not so fun for them.

"Hermione, why are you grinning like a lunatic?" inquired the ever observant Ronald. "Because I feel like it" I replied as we finished our rounds of the castle.

"Whatever you say, 'mione", sighed Ron. I grinned again and continued to skip towards the portrait hole to Gryffindor tower. "Hey 'mione. What'ca doing?" asked Ginny. I smiled and said, "Remember those wonderful photos we took when I zapped Severus, Sirius and Remus into the Severus' robe and made them hug and kiss?"

"Yes," replied the trio. "Well I decided that the walls of the great hall needed a little re decorating for the Valentine ball" I said with a grin. Harry, Ron and Ginny all fell around the floor laughing. I grinned again while securing their help before heading off to my tower to finish the homework that we had just received.

I entered the portrait hole only to be bowled over by Draco. "What the flip?" I yelled from the floor. Draco was butt naked and covered in bright pink glitter.

"Help me!" cried a dazzled Draco. I got up and closed the portrait. Turning round slowly to get the full effect of a bedazzled Draco, I simple stated, "You're on your own," and headed towards the bathroom.

Five minutes later I emerged in the same state that Draco had been in. "What the hell did you do to the shower?" I screamed at Draco, fury was radiating from me in blue electrical sparks.

"I didn't do anything. It's probable revenge from someone YOU pranked," he screamed. Muttering to myself, I stamped my way over to the bathroom to grab my wand. "It won't work. It just multiples if you try to remove it" said Draco in a would be calm voice. I stopped and looked over at Draco. He now had a pair of boxer shorts on but nothing else. The black on pink really didn't suit him. I giggled and then looked down at myself. Pink on blue didn't look good either. I looked ridiculous. The giggles got louder until both of us were laughing at the sight we made.

"Alright. I have to hand it to Snape. He knows how to give as good as he gets!" I said. "And I bet he gets it good, ah Mya" said Draco with a sly wink. I laughed as I tossed at cushion at him.

"I'll floo him and see what can be done" I said as I hauled myself up of the couch and taking a pinch of floo powder called out Severus' office.

"Ms Granger, how can I help you this evening?" asked Severus, trying and failing to hide the glee in his voice.

"Well sir, as you can no doubt see. I've been glitterified. I was hoping you'd have a solution to both mine and Draco's problem." At this Snape promptly gave up on all pretence of composure and laughed out loud.

I glared and ended the floo call. Ten minutes later Snape stepped through and upon seeing both of us, cracked up laughing again. Thoroughly pissed of now, I stormed over to my bedroom and slammed the door. Locking and enchanting it so at it would only open to Draco.

"Hermione, I'm sorry, please open up. I'll un glitter you" bargained Snape through bouts of laughter.

I slammed my way back out of my bedroom and calmly walked over to Snape. He did as he said he would. I smiled and thanked him then returned to my chambers where I plotted his downfall. He'd regret it come morning. Mwhahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx was gonna leave it there xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I waited for Draco to finally kick Snape out. There was a tap on my door and a, "it's safe to come out now" from Draco. I grinned and opened the door.

It's funny how people get nervous when I get happy! Right now Draco was shaking his head and backing away from me. "Whatever it is, I did nothing wrong or against you for that matter" stated Draco as he backed further away towards the portrait hole. I laughed and said, "It's not you I'm after." Draco smiled and stopped backing away and said, "Let the games begin."

At five to four that morning Draco and I met Harry, Ron and Ginny on the second floor and we took the secret passageway that brought us to the entrance hall. Casting a disillusionment spell on all of us we headed into the great hall.

"Right, Harry you're on lookout, seeing as how you've got the map. Ginny you'll decorate behind the teachers tables, Ron you'll do that side and Draco you'll do this. I'm going to negotiate with the castle to leave our decorations up and then decorate the entrance hall. Be quick and add in any little details you like. As soon as you're done skiddatile, got it? Right, to work". And so it began. Mwhahahahahahaaaaa.

I placed my hand on the wall of the entrance hall and felt the castles magic swirl. I channelled my request and reasoning to the castle and begged it to let me proceed. I felt warmth and acceptance. I breathed a sigh of relief and thanked it profusely. I quickly charmed the posters onto the walls and turned the walls pinks, reds and gold's. The final touches where doves and words of love from Shakespeare, "Shall I not compare thee to a summer's day". Satisfied with my work, I glanced into the hall and checked to see if they had all finished. All but Draco was gone and so we legged it back to our rooms, giggle and wondering about the reactions of our dear professors in the morning.

Morning came slowly, Draco and I had stayed up as we were to giddy to sleep. We went over ever eventuality possible, each one funnier than the next. It was half eight when we couldn't stand it any longer and headed down to breakfast.

The hall was in uproar, people laughing, professors trying to calm the students, and Remus, Sirius and Severus were trying and failing to blast the posters of the wall. It was hilarious.

"If I catch the person responsible for this I won't hesitate on using an unforgivable!" screamed Sirius as he tried yet again to remove the posters. Unfortunately this time he tried to banish them which only made them bigger and hug more. Haahaahaa! "Draco, I think they've learnt the lesson don't you?" I said as I turned to a teary eyed Draco. "Nope" said Draco through his giggling fit. I laughed again and nodded to Colin to take a few more photos before casually placing my hand on the wall of the castle and thanking it for its service and to kindly re decorate for Valentine's Day. With a great gust of window the decorations changed and the noise levels decreased. By then Harry, Ron and Ginny had joined us and we headed to our table to get a well deserved breakfast.

As we munched on breakkie, I felt three pairs of eyes on me. With a casual glance round I found Sevvie, Remy and Siriusly giving me death glares. I smiled and waved and continued on with breakfast. So they thought it was little old me did they ha, good luck boys, you'll need it!

Please review. Sorry for the long delay but real life has been a pain. I have enabled anon reviews but let me just state if you want to flame at least have the courage to login so I can reply. Till next time. xxx


	40. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my brain and even then I'm not sure. I want to thank everyone for their support over the past year. It looks like the New Year has brought good news and hope. This chapter is dedicated to Almightyswot.

A week had passed by since the little incident in the great hall. Severus, Remus and Sirius have seemingly forgotten said incident so things were looking up for the next round of pranking. Or were they! "DUM DUM DUUUUM!" Heehee, I really needed to get out more. People are giving me strange looks again. Goddammit, what is wrong with these people. I can't even sing out loud anymore.

"Hermione are you feeling ok?" asked Harry, with a quizzical brow. "Ha! I love my life." "Erm, you're doing it again 'mione. You know. Saying what you think out loud" said Harry. "Dammit, I really gotta get a filter for my thoughts", I said with a frown. The others just laughed and continued on with their breakfast. "To plan my pretties" I cried at Harry and Ginny. Draco and Ron had still to make an appearance. And on closer inspection neither had batman and his faithful sidekicks wolfman and dogman.

"Ok, what's the plan?" replied Ginny after her giggles had past. "It's great that you asked", I grinned. "The plan is to infiltrate Rumble bumbles a.k.a Dumbledore's office and 'borrow' the lightsaber of lions" I finished with a waggle if my eyebrows. My plan was met with absolute silence. I mean you could literally hear a pin drop it was that quiet. Well then again maybe not as most people were still shovelling food and mashing it up. Yuck! Do none of these people know how to eat with the mouths closed. Gross!

"Hermione, why on earth do you need Gryffindor's sword?" asked Harry. Ron who had just graced us with his presence decided to butt in, "What you on about Harry." Ginny quickly filled him in while I topped up on caffeine. "Right, well you know how this year has been especially bad with students dry humping in the corridors when they should be in bed," I said while waiting for them to nod, "Well, I believe that the only way to stop them is patrol the corridors with the sword. It will scare them straight," I said as if it was the only logical answer to our problems. In fairness, I am sick of catching students bare arsed and braless.

"Ok, so how do you plan on getting into Dumbledore's office in the first place? He's going to notice that it's missing," stated Ron in between mouthfuls of scrambled eggs. "It's easy to get into his office. Besides I have a little present I want to give him", I grinned. "Oh and I'm planning it for tonight so I'll nab…uh…I mean borrow the sword after dinner, right before patrols", I concluded. "I don't mean to put a downer on this one but you do realise that Snape's patrolling tonight. I mean if he catches you Hermione. I don't think he's going to let it slide, especially after valentine's", said Ginny with a worried look. "It's ok. I can handle it. Besides Draco will be right there with me and I can always blame it on him." This caused everyone to laugh and turn to look at Draco who was none the wiser. Tonight's gonna be fun!

Time seemed to have slowed to a crawl. As class after class dragged by, I couldn't wait to put my plan into action. It was payback time for Rumblebumble. Cue evil laugh. Earlier in the week I had contacted Fred and George about my plan, to which they readily agreed to help. Yesterday the final product had arrived with a letter stating that they wanted full recognition for their product and photos to remember it. Haahaa! God I love those guys. The time had finally arrived for stage one of the operation. It was lunch time and before I headed to the great hall to meet up with Harry and the gang, I made a quick detour to the kitchens. Dobby was thrilled to see me and gladly agreed to pass along my present to Dumbledore after lunch. Stage one was a success, now for stage to commence unfortunately I had to wait till after dinner.

I headed back up to the great hall with a cheery grin. Upon reaching the great hall I felt a set of eyes bore into me. I looked up only to find my dear old Sevvie poo glaring at me. I guess he hasn't forgotten the little Valentines incident. I smile and send him a cheery wave before sitting down between Ginny and Harry. "Right, do you all remember the plan?" I asked while grabbing a sandwich. "Yes, distract the others on patrol, especially Filch and Snape while you break into Dumbledore's office and grab the sword," said Ginny with a grin. "It will be easy with all the stuff Fred and George sent us," grunted Ron through a mouthful of stew. Uhh, that boy will never learn.

"Ok then. We're all set. Come on it's time to go or we'll be late for Defence", I said after grabbing another sandwich. The others trailed reluctantly behind me as we made our way to class. "OK class today were going to be perfecting our defensive spells against one another. So if everyone would like to pair up we can get started", said professor Lupin. The double lesson flew by and by the end of it most of us were ready to call it a day. It was one of the best classes we've had since returning. Thankfully, classes were over for the day and so we all headed our separate ways to drop off our bag before meeting in the great hall for dinner.

The first thing that drew my attention and everyone else's for that matter was a struggling headmaster being restrained by a mashed covered McGonagall and Snape. In fact, the whole head table was a mess. It seems the little present had done the trick. The esteemed headmaster was throwing a tantrum like a petulant two year old. Ha! The whole school watched on in amazement as each professor tried unsuccessfully to calm the upset headmaster. "Enough", roared a clearly irate Snape and with a flick of his wand Albus remand still and silent. The hall was quiet except for the occasional drip and plop of mash potatoe and pumpkin juice sliding off the professors. Slowly but surely the damn broke and the titters and giggles started. Not a single professor had escaped Dumbledore's tantrum, even the walls and floors hadn't escaped. Fred and George were geniuses. I quickly turned and explained to the gang what had happened.

"You did what?" cried Harry in absolute disbelief. "I got Fred and George to design some sweets that revert the selected person to his or hers two year old self. In this case I made sure that Dumbledore would eat them by using his favourite sweet lemon drops! This way the professors and Dumbledore will be out of the office so I can "borrow" the sword", I said in a matter of fact voice. Harry, Ron and Ginny couldn't form a coherent sentence for quite some time after my little declaration. "But I though you hated Fred and George's products? And what happens if they find out it was you? Have you gone completely mad?" said Ginny. I laughed and said, "No, I'm not completely mad. I have a back up plan to get me out of any trouble. You know me. Besides this is revenge for all the crazy ass missions he sent us out on as children. I still haven't forgiven him for it. It's just a little pay back. Besides a two year old Dumbledore is quite cute, don't you think?"

"Ok, I get were you're coming from. Let's hope this doesn't backfire. To Dumbledore's office", said Harry with a grin. We all hopped up and headed for the stairs. "Let's teach those hormonal teens a lesson", said Ginny. Too which I gave her a look which clearly stated I know what you and Harry get up too. She turned bright red and looked away. Ginny and Ron were to stand lookout for each end of the corridor while Harry stood at the bottom of the entrance to Dumbledore's office. We split up each heading to their appointed destination. It took me all of two minutes to figure out

Dumbledore's password and to dismantle the wards on his door. The biggest challenge was to dismantle the wards around the sword without tripping any of the alarms. After a bit of extensive wand waving finally I had cracked it and was just reaching out to grab the sword when Harry's warning shout stopped me. I made a quick grab for the sword. There was no time to replicate it now and made a run for the door, just before I reached the handle I heard footsteps and quickly disillusioned myself and stood against the wall. The door opened with a bang!

Sorry about the long wait. I promise I'm back now but updates will be slow until I get back into the swing of things. Any guesses at who it is? Thanks for reading and please review. xxx


	41. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Please enjoy and again sorry for the wait.

It was Remus. He quickly stood over to Dumbledore's desk and grabbed up something. He turned swiftly and raced back down the steps. I waited a few moments before heading down the staircase and rewarding the door. Unfortunately in my rush I completely forgot about the now empty case where the sword once rested. I rushed down the corridor and met Harry, Ron and Ginny and briefly told them what happened. We headed back to Gryffindor tower to get ready for the nights patrol. Once ready I conjured up a scabbard to hold the sword and placed it beneath my clock. By the time I was finished I was running late and had to run back to my quarters to meet up with Draco to start our rounds. He laughed as he saw me hurtling towards him out of breath and wild haired. "Shut it Draco", I said between gasps of air. We set off, discussing the incident in the great hall and laughing at the professors expressions. He filled me in on what happened after we left.

"So anyway, after McGonagall vanished the mess from both herself and the rest of the head table. She escorted Albus out of the hall by his ear. All the while, scolding him for being an immature prat. It's the funniest thing I've seen in a while. I believe they all went to the staff room. Although Professor Lupin was sent to get Dumbledore's lemon drops" finished Draco with a laugh. "Why did he want his lemon drops?" I asked in between fits of giggles. "Something to do with them being, scrum diddle umtious. So Lupin went for them before Albus through another tantrum. They suspect he's been placed under some spell", he laughed. I laughed along with as it wasn't a spell.

Finally reaching the second floor we came across our first student out of bed. We escorted them back to Ravenclaw's tower and continued on with our rounds. It was quiet out except for passing fellow prefects on their rounds and Professor Snape. On the seventh floor just outside the room of requirement, I heard whispering and giggling coming from behind the door that had just appeared. I whipped out my sword much to Draco's horror and yanked the door open. Two half dressed students tumbled on to the floor. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing", I sneered as I pointed the sword at them. "Mia, no", cried Draco as he tried to pull the sword away from me. I laughed and elbowed him away. "S sh Sorry, w we weee lost track of time" said the girl. It was just hilarious, Draco was stunned at my behaviour and the students were nearly wetting themselves. I flashed him a grin and a wink and you could that it had finally clicked. "What are your names?" asked Draco after finally pulling himself together. "Amanda Skingle and Ben Goldstein", they replied both still trying to redress themselves without making it look like they were.

"See that it doesn't happen again. Now off to your separate dormitories. Oh and by the way, that blouse belongs to her not you Mr Goldstein. And if I ever catch you fornicating again I'll slice it off", I said with a cruel smirk as we escorted yet another couple back to their respective houses. "Ok, spill Mia!" said Draco as we return to the seventh floor and our duties. "Ok, so here goes. You're going to alert Severus that I've gone mad and am raving about protecting the keep and defending the virtuous up on the seventh floor. I'll be here doing just that and duelling imaginary slime balls. Ok?" I finished. Draco laughed and agreed. "I'll also round up the rest of the prefects to watch the show", he hollered as an afterthought. I smiled and began my stalking of the seventh floor. I heard a commotion behind me and knew that it was time.

"You blackhearts and thieves. You slime and flea bitten scoundrels. Stay back I tell you. I'll fight you to the END", I hollered as I swung and swished my sword around. "Ms Granger, what is going on here? And where did you get that sword? Stop this foolishness at once", exclaimed Snape. "Erm, Sir I don't think Hermione is going to listen to you. I think she's under some kind of spell", said Draco who was trying not to burst out laughing. "I'm the keeper of peace and virtue I tell you. Stay away or risk me lobbing it off" I roared. At this Draco couldn't hold it together and had to cling onto Snape to stay upright.

Concern briefly flashed across Severus' face as I swung the sword again and nearly lopped off my own leg. The next second I felt the sword fly out of my hands and an irate Severus had my arms pined against my back. "Let go of me you big oaf. I am the keeper of this castle", I cried as Severus dragged both me and the sword down to his office but not before he told the rest of the prefects to finished up the rounds. I gave Draco a cheery wave behind Snape's back as I was dragged away still shouting out every now again about virtue, horny scoundrels and protection. I have to admit that the whole time I was dragged down to Snape's office I was checking out his, oh so impressive backside. And my, what a backside it was. Purrr! With a quick shove I was forced into his office and down on a chair. I immediately tried to get up again only to find he had invisibly bound me to the chair. He stood in front of me swishing his wand around trying to figure out what was wrong with me. He was at it for ten minutes before I couldn't control myself anymore and burst out laughing. "Oh God, stop", I gasped between fits of laughter. This only seemed to worry him more as he swished and flicked more, turning red in face from the magical effort. By this stage I had tears streaming down my face and my laughter was silent.

"Nothing", gasp, "Wrong", gasp, "Teaching", gasp, "Horny", gasp, "students", hiccup, "lesson", and proceeded to howl with laughter again at his dumbfounded expression. "Not as crazy as Bumblebore", I said while trying and failing to stifle my giggles. "You mean to tell me that this is all one massive prank", said Snape in a deadly voice. "Erm. So the penny's dropped then", I said as I tried to break the magical binds. "And Dumbledore? Was that you too?" he said as he towered over me. "No, that was Fred and George's idea. Revenge for everything he put us through as students and you", I said my laughter leaving me at the mention of the forced role he played for so long.

He was quiet for a long time. In one swift movement he released my binds and forced me against the wall. "Don't ever do anything like that again. Promise me" he demanded as he pushed me harder against the wall. "What I don't..." I said before interrupted. "Don't ever pull a stunt like that again", he was furious now. I quickly promised and he released me. "I thought" but he didn't finish and turned away from me. "You thought what?" I asked. "I thought you were possessed that something had happened and" but I didn't let him finish. I quickly turned him around and kissed him. "It was meant to stop all the hormonal boys from humping when their meant to be in bed", I said understanding the worry I had put him through. I apologised again and kissed him. He pulled me tight into his arms as he sat down. I settled into his embrace.

We sat quietly for a while before Severus broke the silence, "you know I haven't forgiven for the poster prank. Both Remus and Sirius are out to get you", he said before pressing several chaste kisses against my neck and jaw. I smiled, "bring it on. I suspect you're planning your revenge too", I said as I turned in his arms to look into his eyes. He smirked and claimed my mouth again. It was several more minutes before we broke apart gasping for air. I smiled as I felt Severus' obvious reaction to our make out session. "I better go. After all, I need my sleep if I am to prepare for the onslaught that is it come", I grinned. "I still want to know what they made or gave to him to make Albus resort to such childish behaviour?" he said. I grinned, "you mean he's not returned to normal yet?" I laughed.

With one last kiss I took my leave and headed for bed. I met Draco in our rooms and gave him the load down. He grinned and warned me to prepare for the worst. I laughed and wished him a goodnight. All the while I was getting ready for bed I tried to come up with things that Severus, Remus and Sirius would do. So far, anything I came up with didn't seem to bad but only time would tell. Thanks for reading. Please review. xxx


	42. Chapter 41

8/3/2016 story/story_ ?storyid=6140795

Chapter 41

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my wild imagination and warped sense of humor. Enjoy! Xxx

The next day dawned bright and early. And a surprise awaited both Draco and I. Not only was our whole sitting room covered in green slime but was filled with Weasleys' wildfire whiz bangs. The spell that Fred and George taught me to vanish them, wouldn't work. As soon as I stood on the slime covered floor I was instantly glued to the floor. Nothing would release me from the slime glue and the worst part of it was that I was still in my PJ's, which barely covered me as it consisted of a tank top and a pair of shorts. Just as I was contemplating what to do, Draco stepped out of his room and into the slime.

"Ok Mia who did you piss off this time?" he asked. I growled and continued to struggle against the slime. "Guuurrrr! Ok, jokes over Severus, let us go", I cried. Nothing, not even a whisper of a sound. I must say though, "Draco I just love your gold boxers." "Shut it Granger!" said Draca doddle. I giggled in spite of our situation. "We look like a right pair", he said and joined me in my mirth. "I suppose I better send word out to Severus, after all he is our Head", I quickly sent my patronus explaining what had happened and how I didn't think his prank was very funny. The door to our rooms flew open with a crash and a harassed looking Severus step in.

"What the hell happened in here?" he shouted as if it was our fault that everything was a slimy green and that the fireworks nearly took his head off as he stepped through the portrait hole. "You mean you didn't do this" asked Draco in an incredulous voice. "No, I didn't" said Severus as he tried to take another step into the room only to discover that he too couldn't move. "Are you kidding me! Who's going to help us now?" I cried as I threw my hands up in frustration. "Have you two tried banishing it?" he asked as he brandished his wand at the fire and slime mess. "NO", yelled Draco and I but it was too late. The fireworks multiplied as did the slime. It started to climb up our legs. "Goddamit!" exclaimed Snape. "That's it, if it wasn't you then it must have been Remus or Sirius", I growled. How stupid could I have been of course it was them. I'd kill them when I finally got out of this mess.

"Expecto patronum", said Severus and we all watched as it vanished through the door. "Who'd you send it to?" I asked. "Remus", he said. Another ten minutes passed before we heard footsteps approaching though the open doorway. "Oh merlin", cried Remus, "I swear I tried to stop him." "Just get us free wolf", said Severus. With a quick flick of his wand we were free. I turned on my heel and strode back into my room. Quickly getting changed, re emerged from my room to find both Severus and Remus in deep conversation. I crossed the room and headed to breakfast, this time not waiting for Draco. It was partly his fault anyway as I was going to wake him.

I swiftly made my way to the great hall where I took a seat between Harry and Neville. "What's up Hermione?" asked Neville after seeing the death rays I shot at Sirius. How he had the nerve to smile and wave at me I'll never know. I ran my finger along my throat and raised an eyebrow at him. He looked away but there was unmistakable air of trepidation emanating from him. I grinned and turn back to Neville and the gang, quickly explaining what happened this morning and who was responsible for the whole shebang. "Well what are we going to do?" asked a breathless Draco. He must have run the whole way from our common room. "You're late", I said with a grin. "Yeah, what kept you Draci poo", simpered Ron. We all laughed after that one, as we settled in to eat before I first class of the day.

"Anyone have any ideas they'd like to share?" I inquired as a spread a thin layer of honey on my toast. "I got one", said Ron through a mouth of food. I swear to Merlin I jinx his mouth closed. It's disgusting! "Swallow first!" cried everyone. "Ok, ok, ok. Jeez! Anyway my brilliant idea is…" Until next time my pretties. Please review. Heehee evil cliffy! xxx

Chapter 42

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my brain and even then I'm not sure! Enjoy! Oh and also can I just state that I'm not this evil prank queen all the time. Just on weekends. :D

"Ok, ok, ok. Jeez! Anyway my brilliant idea is…" "Is what Ron", I said a bit impatiently. "Jeez! I think you should get him when we update our apparition licences. He'll be supervising won't he", we nodded, "well then what about apparating on top of his toes?" he suggested with a hopeful grin. "I like what you're suggesting about it involving apparating but it's not nearly enough for what he did. Let me think on it and we'll see. It will happen, today" I said with a grin. We all headed off to class. I was personally looking forward to defence with Remus. I wonder how many times I could wind him up today.

"Let the challenge commence", I cried, scaring the bejebus out of Trelawney as we passed her on the stairs. It serves her right for being a melodramatic twat. Humph! "I still don't get why the ministry is making us do this stupid up skilling course", muttered Ron as we took our seats. "It's because a lot of you haven't managed to not splinch yourselves on longer journeys", exclaimed Ginny. "Like you haven't. I know for a fact that you left…Owww", cried Harry who was nursing his head in his hands.

"Alright class, settle down now. Harry, Ginny, whatever it is about, you can sort it out later", said Remus. "Today we will be practising a form of muggle fighting called sparring and duelling. Professor's Black and Snape will be helping for the day's lesson", he says and goes on to give us a quick lecture on sparring and the different forms of fighting. "Each of you will be in groups of four and you will be fighting three on one. Is that clear?" asked Sirius.

"Right. Everyone into groups of four and then Professor's Black and Snape and I will give you a little demonstration", said Remus as we all scuttle into groups of four. "But sirs, theirs only three of you", piped up Lavender.

"So we are Miss Brown. Any volunteers?" inquired Remus. No one put up their hand. Draco being ever helpful shoved me forward. I whipped round but it was too late. "Excellent, Hermione do come and join us", said Sirius. I glared at Draco before stalking up to front of the room.

"Most of you have already fought in the war but hand to hand combat can always come in use when your wand has been taken or misplaced", continued Remus. "The aim of today's lesson is to incapacitate your three opponents by sparring and duelling", said Sirius, "Miss Granger, you will be trying to incapacitate us three using these methods. Everyone stay back and I shall enclose us in a protective shield", said Sirius. Surprisingly Severus was awful quiet throughout this speech. I wonder what he's up to. I prepared myself for the onslaught as Sirius raised the protective shield around us.

I kept my back to the wall and each of them in my eye line as I waited for them to attack. It was the first thing my muggle martial arts teacher taught me.

Flashback

My mother took me twice a week during the summer of my sixth year to the dojo in town. It was our mother/daughter bonding time as we rarely got time to do anything together anymore, what with me at Hogwarts and the war approaching. Our sensei insisted that if we were ever caught out later at night by a group of men to always place out back to the nearest wall so as no one could jump us from behind.

"Always keep them in your sight and wait for them to move first", is what the old sensei told me time and time again, "Too impatient, young one. Learn to wait."

End flashback

On my left was Sirius, my right Remus and in the middle was Severus. They formed a neat triangle with each of them 5 feet away from each other. This was going to be tricky.

I took a deep breath and centre myself. I was ready for them. No sooner than I was ready, Sirius sprang into action. Ropes flew at me but dissolve against my shield. There was a reason why Harry and Ron stuck close to me during the final battle. The only thing that could penetrate my shield was the killing curse and of course someone trying to physically hit me.

No one else could do this, of that I'm sure. It's magic that comes straight from my core and does not require a wand to channel it. Spell after spell is fired at me but none of them are successful and that's when I see it dawn in Severus' eyes. He moves forward cautiously, like he's stalking his prey. I push myself further back against the wall, waiting for the others to realise too.

He was two feet away when he pounced on me. I dodged to the left just in time, his hand grasping thin air. Unfortunately for me I was now within Sirius' grasp. He lunged at me and caught hold of my left arm, twisting it behind my back. I stamped hard on his foot and elbowed him in the stomach with my free arm. Stunned, his grasp loosened, I ripped my arm from his grasp and muttered a hasty "Incarcerous". Ropes flew from my wand at Sirius. He was bound before he knew what hit him.

Again I backed away and kept my back to the invisible wall. Within seconds Remus was on me and had me pinned to the wall, his legs in between mine to prevent me from kneeing him and my arms pinned to my side, my wand now in Remus right hand. I struggled, trying to release my arms, only for him to apply more pressure to my wrist. I could feel the bones groaning under the pressure. In a last ditch attempt, I bucked my hips against his and slammed my head into his forehead. He released me but I was instantly caught by Severus.

"Going somewhere?" he drawled. "No", I said, "But you are", as I slammed into him sending both of us crashing to the ground. "Expelliarmus", I cried as Remus points his wand at me again. Both his wand and mine fly across the room. I elbow Severus in the face, his nose making a horrible crunching sound as I scramble to my feet. Remus grabs my arm but I twist yet again and stun him with a punch to his solar plexus. Both are now dazed as I summon my wand and incapacitated Remus.

I turn to Severus to find a wand pointed squarely between my eyes. "Damn it," I said. "You win," as I lower my wand. Cheers erupted from the room as the shield dissolves and Remus and Sirius are released from their bonds.

"Very good, Miss Granger," said Severus. "Ok, everyone else pair up in groups of four," said Sirius. "Everyone ready? Great first group up to the front if you please," said Remus. The lesson continued with each group having a chance to win or lose. "For homework, we'd like you to write a three foot long essay on today's class and the different fighting practises and styles of muggle sparring," said Sirius as everyone packed up and headed for the door. I smiled and followed the gang to the Great Hall. Draco was in for it now. Mwhhaaahaaahaaa.

Please review. Hope you enjoyed it. It was a long time in coming. Stupid writers block. xxx

story/story_ ?storyid=6140795 3/3


	43. Chapter 42

I will be re-editing this story and continuing on with it in the next few months. It doesn't flow the way I need it to and I have left alot of empty spaces in the plot both in the beginning and halfway through so I decided I'll fix it all before posting up new chapters. This means that I'll be abandoning this childish version and starting fresh. the edited and continuation of this story can be found on my profile, or just simply as 20 ways to make snape go crazy.

Thank you all for your support over the years.

I hope to have this story wrapped up and finished by Christmas.

No-more long breaks in between posting, now that I have my mojo back.


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